"the choice" ch-3

"In which God takes over"

Summer 1998
My first year of college was ending. It was fun and different than anything I'd ever experienced. It was full of highs and lows and significant moments. People moved in and out of my life with an impact. I learned who I was and what I believed. But I was still caught up in the relationship that shouldn't have been.

Everybody was making plans around me. My 2 best friends and roommates were moving on to new, far away schools. Matt was offered a job and apartment with his cousin and brother in Wisconsin of all places and I was sitting there with no idea what to do. I had begun looking at photography programs but I didn't know which one was right.

Out of the blue, I received a phone call from my Aunt. She lived in the Seattle area and said that her and her husband had been prompted to call and invite me to live with them. With no other real plans, and a calmness in my soul when I considered the option, I accepted. Looking back, this couldn't have been easy for them to do. They had 3 small children of their own and they were inviting a confused, barely 19 year old to come live with them and their kids.

That summer, I went to Wisconsin for a month then moved to the Seattle area and began a long distance relationship with Matt. I was too stubborn and slightly jaded by my experience in the young, single adult ward in my home town to jump right into that in Seattle. So for the first 6-8 months I went to a family ward. There were 2 other single adults attending that ward for their own reasons and we became friends.

Aimee and I decided together to start attending the YSA ward and it was a strange conglomeration of what I needed and what I feared. Even though I was still with Matt, I used this time to look for a better offer. I figured if he was out there, he'd show up. Otherwise I'd stick with Matt.

It didn't happen. I had several guy friends, but not a single one asked me out. I went to the activities and dances and church and institute. I put myself out there and I did meet someone. He was a non-LDS guy that went to a dance with his friend. True story. I figured I didn't know how to attract LDS guys. This guy I met ended up being rather stalkerish and it wasn't until I took the roses he gave me and tossed them in the trash in front of him that he finally took the hint and backed off.

This is around the point that I figured I might as well stick with what I had. I went to visit Matt in Wisconsin and came home with a gold ring. The wedding was set for August of 1999.

I excitedly started making plans but the whole time it felt surreal and unnatural. The only thing that I actually managed to get together was trying on dresses and contacting a dress maker to get my design made.

I kept meeting road blocks in making the actual wedding plans when one day in May, Matt called to tell me that he'd had a dream and knew he needed to go on a mission before he could marry me.

I was heartbroken and did something I should have done a long time ago. I started to trust God, turn my will towards His and asked my Uncle for a blessing.