"the choice" ch-4

"in which I begin to find myself"

I don't remember a single word that was spoken in that blessing. I do remember what I felt. I remember thinking how grateful I was to be in a home with family who loved me and priesthood holder who was willing and able to exercise that priesthood even for silly little me who had just gotten dumped. I knew that Heavenly Father was mindful of me and that he was just trying to guide me. I knew that if I would just be still and let go of my desperate plans that he would guide me. By the end of the blessing I was calm and had a spark of hope.

I was finishing my second year of college then, in which I had taken every black and white film class available to me. I was attending the singles ward and I was finally able to consider myself and my life without a boyfriend around to confuse me.

At the time I was finishing up my last quarter of the year and working at blockbuster video. I wasn't really doing much else and suddenly an opportunity dropped in my lap.

It was the late 90's and all I wanted was a job in photography. I went to one of those in home party things with my Aunt. Women would get together and get makeovers. The hostess would try to sell the makeup. THEN they'd get their pictures taken by a photographer who worked for a sister company and just traveled around doing these in home parties in a certain region of the country. Not just any pictures, mind you. Glamour shots, baby! Later on the photos would go to the hostess and they'd try to milk more money out of their friends by selling those.

So I strike up a conversation with the photographer and before I know it I have an interview set up. Within a week I had an entire traveling glamour shots studio (provided by the company) to pack into my Buick and I started traveling all over the western US. (incidentally, when I tell this story now I just say I was a traveling photographer. It sounds a lot better than when I add the details of the sequins, boas, shiny wraps, faux leather and cheesy poses.)

I suddenly had a lot of time to think. I was on the road all day, living in hotels, spending a couple hours at a strangers house then back to the hotel. I'd go weeks without a weekend at home. I'd have a schedule starting in Washington and I'd loop down through Oregon, California, Nevada, Utah (they liked their glamour shots there, lol), Idaho, Montana then back to Washington.

I loved it.

I loved the long hours on the road. I loved stopping whenever I felt like it to take pictures for myself. I loved seeing new things and I loved the people. I met the coolest people at those parties. People I'll never see again but that made an impression on me in some way. I loved visiting friends in UT and reading lots and lots of books in the hotel. I loved the freedom.

During this time I found myself drawing closer to God than I ever had before. I had recently turned 20 and was feeling like I might as well prepare for a mission since I didn't think I'd have any other options by the time I turned 21. The job paid really well and since the company paid for all my gas and lodging, I didn't really have any bills. I figured I'd save up for a mission and I began preparing to go to the temple.

Little did I know I was actually saving up for my wedding.