My Inner Aria

The path to eternal life

2012-01-29T18:27:00.000-08:00

Recently we had both stake conference and ward conference. There was a sort of theme that I noticed. I don't think it was intentional but I wanted to record some of my thoughts before I forget them.

There was a lot of reference to the straight and narrow path.

Elder Holland spoke at stake conference about how we're all on the same path but that some are further along the path than others. While talking to the youth he said that the reason adults say they understand youth is because we're on the same path, we're just further along because we're older. We've been walking it longer and had more time to learn.

He said the path is not easy. That if we're going through trials, then we know we're actually on the path. He said we all walk through our personal Gethsemane during our lifetime. That the Savior has walked a path and endured a Gethsemane that encompasses all of our own personal trials. Every living being in the history of our world.

Then today at ward conference, President Lee expounded on the path.

He asked "How is a path created?" By walking along an area so many times that a trail is created.

"Who created the path to eternal life?" The Savior. He walked it first. Back and forth til it was prepared for us to travel.

1 Nephi 8:24 talks about the path leading to the tree of life. We often think of the mists of darkness as swirling off to the side of the path. That you must leave the path to be lost in the mists of darkness. But that's not what the scriptures say. "and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree." The mists of darkness swirl over the path. It's not easy to walk the path. We must cling to the rod (the scriptures) to get through the mists of darkness. The mists are our trials. We can't say what any one person is going to endure while they walk the path though life. Perhaps our trial in life will be that we struggle with faith. Perhaps we will spend our entire life leaning on somebody else's testimony. Perhaps we'll struggle with illness, death, depression, loneliness, or addiction. Maybe we'll struggle with our job, our marriage, or our children. This IS the path. This IS the plan. Trials are meant to be part of our life.

The beauty of knowing this is knowing where to turn. Knowing we can turn to the Savior, to HIS words, to His disciples. Knowing that the Savior walked the path. He beat the path for us. He created it so that we could walk it with hope. With the belief that by holding fast to His word, we WILL be saved. We WILL get through the mists of darkness. There is a light for us even if we can't see it in the middle of the darkness.

Elder Holland calls this "the gospel of happy endings."

He also said to be glad if you're broken. God loves broken things especially a broken heart...
"It takes broken clouds to make rain. It takes broken ground to make grain. It takes broken grain to make bread. It takes broken bread to nourish you."

Elder Holland bore his testimony of the Savior. He said he has a perfect knowledge of the living Christ. He spoke of walking through some of his trials on his path. Of wondering if the sun would ever rise for him again. He assured us that the sun did rise for him again and that there is an eventual happy ending for all of us if we hold to our beliefs.

My friend, Tiff, wrote an addition to my thoughts that I'm adding to this because Hyrum was crying while Pres. Lee talked about this part and I only half heard it. Below is copied from her. Thanks, Tiff!

I also loved that our Stake President pointed out that they spell the word "straight" in the scriptures differently. It's not S.T.R.A.I.G.H.T. it is S.T.R.A.I.T. The difference between the two spellings:

Straight: adverb. without a bend, angle, or curve; not curved; direct: a straight path.

strait: adjective. narrow: Strait is the gate; affording little space; confined in area. Strict, as in requirements or principles.

Strait in the scriptures denotes a narrow way. Not a way lacking in turns or angles. The way is not a STRAIGHT path, but rather a STRAIT path. One that is narrow and difficult to navigate at times. Our path will not be laid out in front of us with no bends or angles so that we can see the end ahead of us at all times. It curves, bends, perhaps turns at sharp angles allowing us vision of only a few steps in front of us. Add to that treacherous path the mists of darkness and we would be totally lost without the Rod. THAT is our guidance. Our saving grace. The Savior built that rod. HE gave us the way through the path because He walked it until it was forever engraved into the world. There can be no covering it up. It has been burned through his blood. All we need is the fortitude to follow it. It will not be easy, but it will bring us eternal life.

I also thought long and hard about the SP's statements around leaving the gospel. He said, "if you are thinking of leaving then you better be sure you are heading toward something better. You better know that they have something better than a physical manifestation of God and Jesus Christ. They better have something better than Peter, James and John returning the Priesthood through their hands. They better have something better than Elias, Elijah, and many others restoring the keys of sealing powers to bind your family to you for eternity. They better have something better than Moroni bringing us the BOM. If you choose to leave, you better make sure what you are leaving for is something BETTER."

Small Moment Monday x2

2011-07-11T23:56:00.001-07:00

We missed last week cause we were out of town, but I have blogs from the kids for both weeks...so here we go!

Monday the 4th
NATHAN

I went to see fireworks with Emily and Ben. I went up on the roof to watch the fireworks. I also went swimming at Grandma's. It was really cold in the water but the second time I just jumped off the diving board and went down the slide a lot.

ARIA

We woke up in the morning and had no idea what to do. Everybody was going out of town so we went too. We got to Fish Hook and went boating. I went swimming in the freezing cold water with worms on the bottom. We had a party with our cousins. It was fun seeing the family.

GABE

My favorite thing was the fireworks. I liked shooting a bottle rocket and the other fireworks. I really, really liked swimming too. I liked the goats too.

CLARA

I snuggled Emma and den Dada and den we went to Grammas and I started to slide and den I jumpeded and den....um...did you jumpeded? Nope. Den Nathan jumped off the diving board and den he slided down. The fireworks blewed up in da sky. Yeah, they flewed up and den blewed up! *giggle*

Pictures from the weekend of the fourth...

Uncle Bud teaching Gabe to shoot at bottle rocket.

And from Grandma's house.

Swimming.

Helping Grandma with the goats and in the garden.

Tubing

On a walk by Rooks park

We saw a blue heron

The girls got too tired to walk

And todays small moments....(this is a really long blog, sorry about that)
NATHAN

I went to see a baseball game with Will. I liked the game. I got two signed cards from Recycle Man and Otto. And then I went to an arena football game and I didn't like it. (funny story...he came home with a couple flags from the game. I asked him if he wanted to keep them or toss them and he said KEEP! So I said "I thought you didn't like football?" And he said "I don't. But I like flags!")

ARIA

I went to my friends house and we went swimming but I was the only one who got wet!!!

GABE

I like everything about the BBQ. Roasting marshmallows was really fun. I like to make them golden brown and make s'mores.

CLARA

Mama's birthday. What did you had? Cake. You had cake and den hot dogs and den ice cream. I gived you a princess ball with a lot of princesses over it. Right?

Our Summer Schedule

2011-06-27T16:36:00.001-07:00

The kids and I were talking about our summer schedule and we came up with a plan to keep us busy and having fun.

Small Moment Monday - The kids will each blog a small moment on here since this is our family journal.

Take a hike Tuesday - We'll find a trail or nice area for a hike or walk.

Water Wednesday - Splash Pads and pools!

Throw a ball Thursday - We'll play any game that uses a ball.

Field Trip Friday - We'll find places to go. Nathan has requested the temple to walk around the grounds and I was thinking about one of the old mining towns in the Idaho Panhandle.

And Saturday we'll do family activities since Dave won't be working.

So watch for pictures from all our fun activities!

And without further adieu...

Our first "Small Moment Monday"

Nathan -

i saw dad playing this

i can play this

bye

Aria - She prefers to write with pen and paper, so she wrote it down and I'm typing it in.

One time I went to Boo Radleys and I saw "fart in a can" and "finger tentacles" and it was fun. (P.S. I went with my Grandma and fun fun)

Gabe - Gabe and Clara both dictated their small moment to me. I'm writing the way they said it.

I like going to swimming lessons. Today there was a garage sale at swimming lessons. We got a bunch of stuff for free. I kept putting everything in the car and my mom never know'd it til she went in the front yard. After that we brought it all home. My favorite thing was the stomp rocket.

Clara -
I like roasting mushmellows and hot dogs and making graham crackers and making stuff. My favorite part was going to Maggie's too. (oh hey! My shoes both match and they're pink!) And my favorite part too is going to the libary 3 times. And then my favorite part....I like that picture you made....*and she wandered off*

Rainy days

2011-05-31T14:13:00.000-07:00

I love the rain.

Especially when it's raining hard enough to get wet, it's a warm rain and the sun is still out somewhere.

Yesterday I was cleaning the kitchen when I looked out the window and saw the kids soaking wet in this great downpour. Then I noticed the sun behind them and rainy pictures are awesome when they're backlit so I ran and got my camera.

So fun!

Moms

2011-05-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

Moms are everything.

Moms make food like a chef,
when dad screws up at cooking
mom always is a fire woman,
she gives us our medicine like a nurse,
she builds shelves like a builder,
she teachers her kids stuff like a teacher,
she would need to get married and have children,
she would do everything she could.
I want to be a mom to help and raise kids! I love my mother!

-Aria Alger

Miss Clara is 3!

2011-05-04T14:34:00.000-07:00

I sat down at the computer just now to blog Clara's birthday pictures. I'm holding Hyrum and he's fussing a bit and Clara shows up to do what she's been doing every single second since he was born 3 weeks ago.

She grabs his hand a bit roughly and I start to stop her and she says "I'M JUST TRYING TO KISS HE!" So I remind her to be gentle and she gives his hand a kiss. Then she goes to pull him off my lap. I start to stop her and she says "I'M JUST TRYING TO HUG HE!" So I remind her to be gentle and she gives him a hug. Then she grabs his binky and jams it in his mouth. I start to stop her and she says "I'M JUST TRYING TO GIVE HE HIS BINKY!" So I remind her to be gentle and she gets the binky in his mouth. Then she goes to grab his head and I start to stop her. She hollers "I'M JSUT TRYING TO PET HE!" So, again, I remind her to be gentle and she pets him on the head. Then she tries to touch his eyeballs. I say "don't poke his eyes" and she says "I JUST LOVE HE!!!"

Then she joins him on my lap and tries to snuggle in and make sure she's getting most of the mama lap love.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

So we've been playing up her birthday and making sure it's all about her and she's loving it. One day I got balloons and we did a little photo shoot. (don't you love how I'm so lazy I take my kids pictures on the street in front of our house?)

Then we had her party at Chuck E Cheese. She's been talking about this for months! Nearly every day she'd ask if it was her birthday yet and I'd say "when's your birthday?" and she'd say "May 4th" and I'd say it wasn't May 4th yet and she'd put the question on hold til the next day.

And this morning we woke her up for the traditional birthday breakfast and a present in bed.

And tonight she gets to pick dinner and we'll have cupcakes.

I love you, my Clarabelle! Happy Birthday!

Blessing Day!

2011-05-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

We blessed Hyrum on Sunday. It was a lovely blessing but Hyrum wasn't too excited about it. He cried through the whole thing. Not just fussing. Really crying. I had hope because he's my first kid to take a binky so I figured we'd pop it in and he'd be fine through the blessing. Nope. He spit it out as soon as the blessing started and that was that.

But he was cute! And I have pictures!

The super soft and gorgeous green blanket was knitted by my mom. I love it!

One of our awesome sister missionaries was able to hear past the crying and wrote some notes about the blessing for me. He was given his name and told that his parents love him and are thankful for him. He was told that he was close to the Savior in the pre-existence and his desire is to follow Him. He came to earth at this time to fulfill the Saviors will. Life will challenge him but he was blessed to be able to bear up those burdens.

We sure love him! He's already brought so much joy to all of us.

Thanks to everyone who came to support us on his blessing day!

Our little miracle - Hyrum Jacob

2011-04-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

Hyrum Jacob was born Sunday, April 10th, 2011 at 6:32 AM at a home water birth. He was 9 lbs even and 22.5 inches long.

I could always get a sense of my kids personalities while they were still in utero. Mostly just based on how they moved or the way they responded to outside stimulus. But there was something about Hyrum's pregnancy that was stopping me from feeling like I could get a good sense of who he was. I knew he never stopped moving. When he was smaller, I could literally feel him bouncing from one side of my uterus to the other. During my midterm ultrasound, the ultrasound tech was annoyed at being unable to get good shots because he would not hold still. Even when he was filling every possible space inside me, it was like he was one of those people who always tap their foot or shake their leg when they're holding still. It was rare for him to hold still.

But I was having a hard time imagining a child more hyper than Gabe. Gabe was a mover and a shaker and he still is, but he didn't have this constant hyper activity level that Hyrum did. For some reason, I just couldn't imagine Hyrum as a kid that was going to give Gabe a run for his money. It just didn't feel like that's who Hyrum was. So why did he move all.the.time?

Then there came a day a few weeks ago when Hyrum got really, really quiet. He was giving me courtesy nudges. Like "hey, mom..still here" but it was't his normal movement and I got paranoid. I had been worried for a long time about Hyrums birth. I had a feeling it was going to be harder than my other kids but I didn't know why. I came up with all sorts of possible scenarios that I didn't want. Everything from emergency c-section to still birth to back labor to induction, etc, etc. So this day that he got really quiet I asked Dave for another blessing. In the blessing I was assured that Hyrum was okay and would be okay and the birth would go well. I was reminded that we'd been praying daily since I got pregnant that he would be born healthy and strong and the birth would go smoothly. Every prayer the kids said ended with "and bless Hyrum to grow healthy and strong." Every single one. I was reminded to continue to pray and read my scriptures for guidance and stay close to the spirit and I'd know what to do. After the blessing Hyrum perked up and was back to his state of constant motion.

So I tried to follow that counsel. One thing that came from this was the birth pool. I had planned a water birth with Clara but her labor went so quickly that we never even got around to filling the pool. So with Hyrum I wasn't originally going to do a water birth. My midwife even asked and I said no. But over the next couple weeks I thought about it a lot and felt prompted to prepare for a water birth after all. I knew my placenta was anterior and I knew this could cause the baby to be posterior which meant back labor and I figured if nothing else the pool would help with that. So with only a few weeks til my due date I went ahead and got the necessary things for the water birth.

Then it was countdown time. All my other 4 kids were born early and although I know that every pregnancy is different, I didn't really expect to make it to my due date so when I not only was pregnant until my due date but past it, I got pretty discouraged. My blood pressure was a little high and I was having this constant inner battle of wanting to rest to keep my blood pressure down vs wanting to keep moving to try and get the oxytocin flowing for contractions.

I was also terribly worried about going so far past due that I'd be forced into an unwanted induction and I knew that just didn't feel right. Dave and I were arguing back and forth over the safety level of going way overdue vs the safety level of induction and interventions.

I still walked to the park, swung on swings, bounced on the birth ball, ate spicy food, took my evening primrose oil (and other prostiglandins *wink* *wink*), and one of my friends even called this bakery in Virginia that supposedly makes a lemon cupcake that induces labor. They didn't have a delivery service though.

Anyway...my point is I was a little stressed. And I knew Hyrum needed to get out but my only real recourse to get him out was prayer. So I prayed and I waited.

We decided to have Mom go ahead and come up even though we had no idea when I'd have the baby. But it was spring break and I was spending all my time in bed and my poor kids were being neglected. So Mom came and made their last couple days of spring break special.

On Saturday the 9th, another friend, Tiffany, decided to make homemade lemon cupcakes for me since nothing else was working. She brought them over and I had two. They were delicious but I really didn't think they'd do anything. Later that night, I was reading my scriptures and I came across a phrase like "the hour is at hand" in the Doctrine and Covenants. I asked Dave for a blessing again that night and I was told again that he would be born at home and everything would be okay.

I'd been resting a lot. Taking a couple naps a day and sleeping quite well for 9 months pregnant. I went to bed that night around midnight and woke up to use the bathroom at about 1:30. I laid back down and realized I was having contractions that hurt more than usual. I stayed in bed til about 2:15 just timing the contractions and waiting for them to go away because they always did. But this time they didn't and I realized I was already starting to breathe through them. I went ahead and got out of bed and wandered around the room timing and breathing. I woke Dave up and called Margaret at 2:30.

Contractions were anywhere from 4-6 minutes apart by now and I was starting to moan through them. I was sitting on the birth ball and could feel the pressure from the bag of waters. We started filling the birth tub.

Margaret showed up a little after 3 and Violet (her assistant/apprentice) was not far behind her. They pretty much left Dave and I alone while I labored, alternating between the ball and the tub. My mom heard them and came upstairs to join us and take some pictures (we were about to go get her anyway). The birth pool was wonderful. I was having back labor but the breaks between contractions were pretty lengthy still. Anywhere from 2-5 minutes apart. (Dave could tell you, he timed them continuously until I was pushing, lol).

At this point I didn't think things were moving very quickly. Dave kept telling me to get checked and I kept saying no because I didn't want to find out I was only 4 or 5 cms along. This labor was weird. It felt different than my other ones. Contractions were harder to get through and I continued to hurt between them unless I was in the pool. The water really helped between contractions though. But during...I was fighting to focus and breathe. I was trying to recall everything I've ever read about keeping my jaw relaxed in order to allow my cervix to open more easily. I was making low noises and blowing raspberries with my lips and getting counter pressure on my back and hips, rocking my hips, staying on my knees in the pool, etc. But I was still struggling. I went ahead and got checked and found out I was at 9 cms. This was encouraging but still I didn't feel like I normally do in transition. The sensations were different than I remembered. The pain more intense, the breaks between contractions still fairly longish.

In fact Dave was counting down (out loud) and trying to predict when my next contraction would start. This was...irritating...to say the least. He'd get to one and look at me all expectantly. I'd say something like "you lose" and roll my eyes. It wouldn't take long though before I was trying to get through another contraction. Trying to will Hyrum down the birth canal.

Margaret suggested I sit on the toilet for a contraction and my water broke there. The fluid was clear and I got back in the pool to push. Finally I could feel the baby coming down and I had the strongest sensation that I must NOT let him descend and then go back up and try again. I needed to get him out and now. So I did. I remember screaming and pushing and trying not to scream and just focus on pushing but holy cow did it hurt. Margaret said to stop pushing but I didn't. I couldn't. I had to get him out with that push so I did.

I heard him cry out right away but I was still in a strange combination of relief and pain. I turned over and was able to relax a bit. Somebody handed Hyrum to me but he had stopped crying. He was turning blue and my midwives were getting anxious. One was examining the cord and found a true knot twisted inside what looked like a telephone cord. They were stimulating Hyrum and flicking his feet and trying to get him to cry but he wasn't really. I heard Margaret say "Praise God" when she found the knot in the cord (because he was alive) and she had Violet go get the oxygen for Hyrum.

During all of this I think I was being protected because although I could see the activity and worry around me, I wasn't feeling it myself. Physically, I was still feeling pain, but mentally, I was calm. I felt like Hyrum would be okay. I could see that he was blue and that they were quickly cutting the cord and that they were giving him oxygen and trying to get his heart rate up but I wasn't feeling the panic myself.

At this point Dave and Violet took Hyrum over to a heating pad and continued to work on him and Margaret helped me out of the tub so I could deliver the placenta. But the pain was still intense, contractions were ineffective and the placenta wasn't coming out. Margaret could feel it but I couldn't seem to do anything about it. I was leaning against the wall and breathing through the pain and she gave me a shot of pitocin and led me to my bed. She helped me down and I was still pretty caught up in the pain. She told me later that she said a prayer right then, put gloves on and checked to see what was going on with the placenta. It was caught up half way through my cervix, hence the pain. With the next contraction, and a little help from Margaret (and more pain for me) it finally came out.

Hyrum was doing better by now. He had pinked up a bit but his temp and blood sugar were low. I still couldn't move so they brought him to me to try and nurse but I couldn't yet. All this is a little fuzzy in my mind. I don't really remember getting from flat on my back to being propped up in bed but it happened. I was skin to skin with Hyrum, and a heating pad was over us. We gave him a bit of sugar water (which he did not want) and I nursed him (which he was great at). We called my kids' pediatrician (who is freaking awesome and does home visits exclusively) and she headed over to check him out.

His temp was rising, albeit slowly, but she felt that he'd be okay with skin to skin contact and lots of nursing and checking his temp every hour. So I spent the next 6 hours or so lying with Hyrum and a heating pad to warm him up. His temp was slowly rising but I was still concerned so Dave called our home teacher and him and Dave gave Hyrum a blessing just before church. In it he was told he'd pull through just fine and after that his temp rose really quickly. It took 6 hours to get fromm 92-94 and then after the blessing it was up to 97.5 in an hour and up to 98.5 an hour after that and stayed there.

In the meantime my midwife was examining the cord and placenta. She said the cord was the longest cord she's ever seen. (46 inches). She said the top 6 inches or so that connect to the placenta was thin and brittle looking and had partially detached from the placenta. She said the placenta itself had kinda folded on top of itself instead of spreading out like it should have and the area where it connected to my uterus was much smaller than it should have been. She said it had weird, hard deposits or something in it.

She said that usually a cord knot like that causes still birth.

She went home later and read pathology reports and found out something interesting.

Cord knots often cause lack of movement and lack of growth in utero. But sometimes, there's only one indication of a cord knot and it's hyperactivity. And that's what Hyrum was doing. Hyrum grew on schedule for 9 months and he grew well. His heart rate was always great, even during labor. But he moved. Constantly. He literally fought for 9 months to get the oxygen he needed to grow and survive the pregnancy and birth. By moving constantly, he kept oxygen and nutrients going through the knotted cord so he could use them. The cord continued to grow and twist on itself to compensate for the knot.

Oh, and my midwife explained that there's a bounce back effect during birth. The baby goes through the birth canal, which pushes blood into the placenta. The placenta is then supposed to shoot it back to the baby once he's out but in Hyrum's case the knot stopped that oxygen bounce back. That's why he came out crying and pink but then crashed right afterwards. He didn't get his bounce back.

Our prayers were answered. For 9 months, Hyrum fought constantly and he did grow healthy and strong like his brothers and sisters prayed for. I'm convinced that had I been in the hospital for induction, the harder and more frequent contractions from pitocin would have caused a very different outcome. I think that the pain was from my screwed up placenta and that the longer breaks between contractions were for Hyrums benefit. I think we both knew he needed to get through the birth canal quickly hence my inability to stop pushing and just get him out.

I think we were all greatly blessed through the entire process. I think Hyrum has a special job here on earth and was watched over to get him here safely. I think I'm blessed to be his mom.

Now for lots of pictures. These are from the birth. They're all perfectly modest, but just wanted to warn you before you start looking. There are also a few at the bottom of Hyrum today.

Dave doing his all important timing job.

Sumo mama. lol. This was early labor.

Things are getting harder.

Still timing.

Counter pressure

Pushing

He's here!

My friend Lee Ann took the next three when she was visiting on Monday. He's 1 day old here.

And I took these today (2 days old). April (my sister) knitted the awesome hat!

Going back in time

2010-12-26T11:01:00.000-08:00

I'm home from church today with my oldest (he woke up covered in hives, oi) and decided it would be a good time to get a little blogging done. A couple weeks ago I was catching up on my moms blog and came across some pictures of a trip we took to North Western WA with mom and dad in August. Aka...week 7-ish of this pregnancy...or...the beginning of the hell that is the first (and usually second) trimester.

In other words, I was sick. Super sick. Constant, debilitating nausea and a lot of throwing up. So I was also miserable and whiny and spent most of the vacation in bed trying not to throw up or cry.

So some of these pictures were the first I saw of what Dave and the kids did while I wallowed in my misery.

For example...

We went to the beach.

I curled up in a quilt, in the shade, on the sand, with a box of crackers, and tried to nap away my misery.

Dave and the kids, however, went to a beach museum of some sort and built a sand face.

Another morning they went walking along the coast where we were staying and looked for shells and starfish. I don't even remember this happening so I was either in my room, with the lights off, blinds closed, asleep, or trying to sleep away my misery.

I was conscious for part of the trip. Although, granted, not terribly fun to be around.

We went to Forks. (after a horrid drive through the mountains and around a mountain lake. Beautiful, but the road was long and curvy and horrid.)

If I look miserable in that picture it's because I was. Any other time I probably would have had a lot of fun running around Forks and being a dorky tourist. But I did take a few pictures. Pretty much the only pics I took the whole vacation.

Team Jacob! lol

The best part of the entire trip was going out to first beach at La Push. I had eaten a good amount of protein just then, there was a nice breeze and I had a few minutes of reprieve from the misery. It was nice to walk around and take a few pictures.

My favorite shot.

I even smiled once.

And I got a good laugh at my weirdo kids.

Merry Christmas! (a day late)

2010-12-26T10:12:00.000-08:00

I was a slacker and didn't get our Christmas Cards sent this year. I also didn't write a letter. The inspiration just wasn't coming. I did, however, make the card itself.

So, here you are! Merry Christmas to all!

Had my ultrasound!

2010-11-11T10:33:00.000-08:00

I have so many blogs I should be doing but I've been too busy to get anything down. One of these days I'll go through and back date a bunch of stuff. But in the meantime, we found out what we're having!

So there's a story that goes along with this. I touched on it in my first blog about this baby but didn't tell the whole thing.

Dave was in the temple and had a very clear feeling that there was a boy baby, named Hyrum, that was ready to come to our family. He came home and talked to me about it and I was wary. Pregnancies are rough for me and I wasn't ready to be pregnant again.

A few days later, I got a Priesthood Blessing and I was told there was a boy baby, named Hyrum, that was ready to come to our family. That I was to be his mother. The spirit was very strong and I realized I couldn't not listen to this clear of a prompting.

But, still, in the back of my mind I was thinking...it takes me forever to get pregnant, I'll be fine til next year at least. But like I said before, this little one was impatient. I found out I was pregnant within a matter of weeks, not months. Which means, I was likely already pregnant when I had that blessing.

But now I had a new fear. It was very clear that there's a boy named Hyrum that is meant to come to our family. So what if this turns out to be a girl??? I was so sick and so miserable that any time I thought about this baby being a girl, I'd burst into tears. I was trying hard to get over myself because I knew I'd love the baby no matter what, but I was terrified that I'd have to go through yet another pregnancy.

I prayed and told Heavenly Father that if he wanted me to have more kids after this, I'd listen. I'm willing to do His will. But, please, please, don't mess with my mind. He said he'd send Hyrum, so just let this be Hyrum so I don't have to go crazy wondering how many more kids I'd have to have to get him here.

I was terribly anxious for our ultrasound and really excited when yesterday finally came!

I went in and it was immediately clear, even to my untrained eye, that I was, indeed, pregnant with a boy.

The relief was intense. I'm so happy that little Hyrum is coming now and I don't have to deal with the emotions and insanity of not knowing. Everything looked great and I found out I have anterior placenta which would explain why I'm not feeling much movement yet. (it means my placenta is cushioning his blows) And he's a mover and a shaker. The u/s tech was really annoyed that he didn't stop moving once. He rolled and rolled and kicked and punched and waved his arms around. Totally incapable of sitting still.

The funny thing is, Dave was so excited about it that he couldn't sit still either. He managed to sit through about 20 mins of the u/s but when the tech let me get up to use the bathroom he left. I called him after the last hour cause I had no idea where he went and he was like "I was too excited to sit there, so I went to put gas in the van."

Apparently, Hyrum is his Father's son. Can't sit still for anything. (Looks like I'm in for it.)

Dave and I celebrated at Qdoba after I texted everyone I knew (which, btw, that burrito, with all the protein, rice and veggies was AWESOME. I didn't feel like throwing up once after eating it. I should eat one every day. It would certainly make this pregnancy easier).

Then we came home and informed Gabe and Clara. Gabe said "YES! That means we're not messing up our patter-en!" (boy, girl, boy, girl, boy) and Clara didn't really care much about the news. Nathan and Aria asked as soon as I picked them up from school and they were happy to hear it too. Later in the day Aria realized the boys will be outnumbering the girls, though, and she was a little annoyed about that. lol.

So...that's where we are now. At this point I feel like Heavenly Father is pleased that I was willing to have Hyrum and I think we're done. I did tell Him that if He wants me to have more that it will need to be very, very clear. I'm also open to the idea of adoption. I adore having a big family...it's just these pregnancies that make me crazy and sick and miserable and whiny and, and, and...

So, on to pics of our new little guy.

His profile

His hand (this was right at the end...the u/s tech said "say bye to your mommy and she caught this...cute, huh?)

and the proof

Gabe's turn!

2010-09-14T10:06:00.001-07:00

Gabe had his first day of pre-school yesterday. He was so excited to finally get to go to school! He's been waiting a long time for this!

Clara, on the other hand, was super bummed out about Gabe going to pre-school. After we left she said. "Mom, go get Gabe!" I told her he was staying there because it was his pre-school and she said "No! Go get Gabe! Don't forget Gabe!" I said "Clara, it's just you and me now, we'll get him later" and she said "NOOOOO! Not you and me!!!!!" lol. Poor thing didn't know what to do without him.

So today when she woke up and I told her Gabe didn't have pre-school today she gave him a giant tackle hug and said "I wuv you, Gabe"

So sweet.

First day of school, hooray!

2010-09-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

This year I have a 4th grader, a 2nd grader and a pre-schooler. Gabe doesn't start pre-school for a little bit yet, but Nathan and Aria had their first day today! They were both happy to see friends in their classes and I'm happy that I can hear myself think for the first time in 2 1/2 months. lol.

Nathan...silly boy refuses to smile.

Aria on the other hand...

There's a baby in my bee-bo!

2010-08-25T21:05:00.001-07:00

If you're unfamiliar with Bee-bo, you need to go pick up "The Belly Button Book" by Sandra Boynton. It's a favorite around here.

It also is the inspiration for Clara's favorite saying that she spouts about 12 times a day..."Mama, you got a baby a baby in yo' bee-bo?"

Translation...in case you don't frequent facebook...I'm pregnant with #5!

A couple months ago Dave and I were pretty seriously discussing trying for a number 5 but I wasn't totally on board yet. A series of clear experiences while praying and in a blessing I received told us that we needed to have another baby. That there was a baby waiting to come to our family.

So, we decided to go ahead and start trying with the full expectation that it would be like every other time we've tried to have a baby and it would take a year or more before I actually got pregnant. I've never been one of those people that can just decide to have a baby and then get pregnant that month. It always takes forever.

But not this time. It was only a matter of weeks before I got the tell tale nausea when I'm hungry. That's always my first clue. So I laid down and pushed on my abdomen to feel where my uterus was and I thought. "oh...I'm pregnant already" cause it was pretty prominent. But I hadn't taken a test yet so I ran and bought two since I've gotten a lot more negative tests than positive over the years. But I ended up only needing the one. The positive was instant and very dark. (So I have an extra test here if anyone needs one, lol)

So anyway...this baby was pretty determined to come and we're excited for it! I had an ultrasound today to get a due date. We saw/heard the heartbeat and then the midwife measured the baby and we found out I'm 8 weeks 2 days along and I'm due on April 4th.

Now to just get through the misery that pregnancy is for me and onto the labor cause that's the best part. Except for after they're born of course. Can't wait to meet this new little one!

Diabetes and driving

2010-08-06T02:08:00.000-07:00

One of the scariest things for me as a spouse of someone with t1 diabetes is worrying about them being behind the wheel. When we're together, I drive. Mostly because I get horrible motion sickness and it's just better for everyone if I'm driving rather than getting nauseous, but partly because I worry that he might go low.

He tells a story of being in college. He was going on a date one night and his blood sugar went low while he was driving. He was aware that it was dropping but wasn't present enough to take care of it himself. So his solution was to stop the car at an intersection, exit the car, and lay down in the street. Without saying a word to his poor date. His lying there stirred up some attention and finally somebody noticed his medical ID tag and knew what to do for him.

We laugh at that story but sometimes it's downright dangerous.

When we'd been married just a few years, my younger sister came to live with us. We had two small children and she was a Senior in High School. She was doing the running start program and the college was near where Dave worked and they'd often drive together because our house was pretty secluded.

One time they were driving home and he was driving. She said he wasn't making sense while he was talking but she didn't really know what was wrong. It wasn't until he drove right past the turn off to our house that she started worrying. She tried to get his attention but he was out. He was driving on "auto pilot" with no awareness of what he was doing. When attempts to get his attention failed, she reached her foot over and pushed his foot off the gas and stopped the car herself. Somehow (personally, I think angels helped because I've tried moving him before when he's out and it's hard) she managed to switch seats with him and she drove him home. She left him in the car and I took juice out to him and sat with him until he came to.

I fully believe she saved his life that day and I'll be forever grateful.

Another time I got a phone call about an hour and a half after he left for work. He just said "I don't know where I am. The car hit a curb and popped a tire. The last thing I remember was the garage door closing at our house." He had driven a good 45 miles on the freeway and he didn't remember it. He was able to tell me some landmarks around him and I helped him figure out where he was. He was closer to his work than to me so I called his office and they sent someone to go help him out.

I've learned to live by the phrase "no news is good news". It crosses my mind daily that he could drive low today, but I figure as long as I've heard nothing, he must be safe. Because if something bad happened I'd be getting a call from the police, fire station, hospital, morgue or something along those lines.

I've learned that silence is good. And that he should check his blood sugar before getting in the car. :)

Happy Birthday to me!

2010-07-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

What I woke up to.

Donuts from the best donut shop in town.

Smiles and hugs all around.

A 50mm f/1.4

This email from Aria.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! You are now 31. So lets get to Silverwood and get in the sun. We will have so much fun! P.S.

if you get this email later happy late birthday!

i love you
love aria . pps if you get this email even later happy even later birthday ppps if you get it soooooooooper late happy
soooooooooper late birthday.

And Gabe said...

"MOM! I have a present for you!"

"It's FISH LIPS! It's really good 'cause I practiced in the mirror for a long time!"

And now my kids are all sharpie tattooed with my cell number and we're off to a fun day with some of my very favorite people in the world!

Happy Independence Day!

2010-07-05T14:59:00.000-07:00

We had a really fun 4th this year! We spent the day at the lake with my brother-in-law's family. The kids had a blast and what better way to watch the fireworks display than on a private beach? I mean, seriously! It was rad.

The rope swing was a huge hit.

As was the lake. Even though it wasn't exactly warm yesterday.

At one point, these three seemed to think it was a clothing optional party. But we got them dressed again and stuck them in the boat on the shore and they were happy.

They pretended to sail off into the sunset.

Which was very pretty, btw.

After nature's show, we enjoyed the fireworks display!

Our summer in pictures

2010-07-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

We are having a super fun summer so far! Here's a sampling of it. :)

It started out quite rainy. So we splashed in puddles.

On Nathan's birthday we went to an open track meet and all the kids ran a couple races.

Here's Mae winning the 50 meter dash.

and the 100 meter dash. lol.

Poor Clara was terrified, but she just kept running!

Gabe giving it his all.

Aria is all concentration and determination.

Nathan. We couldn't find his shoes before we left so he's wearing his sketchers. They didn't do him any favors but since I cut them out the picture looks pretty cool. lol.

After his race he wandered around talking to a girl. I'm pretending I didn't see it even though I was all stalkery with my camera. lol

Then we had several hot days we set up Nathan's slip and slide and they turned the slide on the swingset into a water slide. They were flying down that thing. It was pretty awesome.

Nathan's Expressions: An Interpretation

2010-06-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

My boy. My oldest. My firstborn. Or as he describes himself: "the holder of the birthright."

Nathan. My strong, silent, but secretly witty and hilarious child.

He turned 9 this week. Nine! That's only a year away from double digits. Sometimes I'm startled by the fact that he'll really remember things from this part of his life. Then I just have to hope I'm not screwing him up too much.

Anyway, I will now interpret his stoic expressions for you.

"WOOO-HOOOO!!!! My first present of the year! YESSS! Grandma rocks!"

"geez, what'd they have to wake me up for? Haven't they learned that I'm not a morning person? Hey...there's a bike there. Nice...I guess I forgive them."

"mmmm....donuts" (Dave got up early and drove up north to get the best maple bars in town fresh from the oven. I think Nathan ate 4 or 5 of them himself.)

"Dude. My friend is awesome. Check this out! He totally knows what I like."

"What kind of wrapping paper is this supposed to be?"

We finally got to the cake right before bed after a long day.
"Mo-om. Are you seriously still taking pictures? I'm really sick of being the center of attention"

And later in the week he promoted to brown belt in karate.
"Yeah, I know I'm bad with my black eye and brown belt. You wanna take me? Ha. Go ahead and try."

I love that kid.

But really, for all I know, the Sponge Bob song could have been playing in his head all day. Or maybe he was watching a movie in his head. I remember doing that when I was a kid and I wanted to tune out...

Diabetes - it's not always drama

2010-06-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

My last diabetes post was pretty dramatic, and a lot of the time, it is. But sometimes...sometimes I just can't help but laugh. A lot. At Dave.

When I know he's in the safe but stupid zone, it's okay to laugh. This is when he or I noticed he was going low and got sugar into him before it got scary, but we still have to wait for him to come up out of the low, so he hangs out in the "drunk" zone for 20 minutes or so.

There was the time he squirted Pam all over the babies swing because it was squeaking.

There was the time he was in the car and the door was open, keys in the ignition, so it was beeping and when I went out he was repeatedly hitting the dashboard to try and turn off the alarm clock.

There was the time he went in to our friends house and hugged his friend and was all "I love you, man" (seriously...total cliche, I know)

There were times he would hold his food up to his face and closely inspect it before eating.

There was the time he was annoying me, so I just pushed him off the bed with my feet to snap him out of it.

The funniest was fairly recently. He had been watching Star Trek as he went low and he started trying to have a conversation with me. It didn't take long before I realized he wasn't all there and I actually started recording the conversation with my phone. The TV was on static or something similar at this point. It distracted him and he looked over at it and was all "it's not working." I told him it wasn't on and that wasn't good enough. We debated for a couple minutes on whether or not it was broken or off when he suddenly stares at the TV, points his finger at it and says "Increase magnification....four....EIGHT!" and then flopped back on the couch.

Hilarious.

Clara's new favorite outfit

2010-06-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

She wants to wear it every day.

huh...

2010-06-01T12:57:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I really wonder about the randomness of those random word generators that are supposed to prevent spam.

Sometimes they make me giggle, but sometimes...well, see for yourself. I was just voting for my friends little girl and this popped up.

Check Gabe out!

2010-05-27T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hopefully this works. I know the left hand doesn't really match the right yet, but he's been working hard at playing them together. He plays by ear.

You know what's fun?

2010-05-21T21:47:00.001-07:00

Giving your little kiddos airplane rides and trying to take pics at the same time. aka...Dave's out with one of his friends, (and it's almost dark out so no going outside with the kids) and I'm bored.

Look, Ma! No hands!

I'm teaching a 6 week photography course

2010-05-21T18:54:00.001-07:00

If you're interested, jump over to my photo blog and get the information!

A single glorious thing

2010-05-20T22:50:00.000-07:00

I love Lilacs. They bloom for such a short amount of time each year and I'm always excited to see them and a little bummed when they're gone.

I try to make it to the local Lilac Garden each year, although I don't always make it. Yesterday was gorgeous out, so I took my younger kids to the park so we could walk through the garden. Rachel and her kids came along.

There was a moment, while we were walking, surrounded by lilacs, that a breeze blew through. Suddenly I was hit with a lilac scented breeze that stopped me in my tracks. It was absolutely lovely.

Clara liked it too. (Sometimes when I'm shooting, I get that perfect shot of the day. This is it.)

We walked around while the girls smelled all the different colors. (with how different my sister and I look, I'm always surprised at how similar our girls look)

Then we walked to the Japanese Garden and wandered around for a while. I love it there, too. It brings back memories from Japan. I hope to go back someday.

These pictures don't really show the gardens, I just think my kids are the cutest. I love that they happened to do the same pose opposite of each other. Total fluke.

Gabe likes any tree that he can climb. He needed a little help with this one cause his shoes kept slipping on the smooth bark but he loved the seat.

Then we made a quick stop at the playground on our way out of the park.

bedtime...my nemesis

2010-05-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

Bedtime is not my friend. It's the end of the day, there are 4 kids with varying bedtime routines and for some reason there's always a lot of yelling. But I generally get through it in one piece and collapse in my computer chair for some down time.

But tonight, as I was watching Gabe brush his teeth and drink some water, I noticed how cute his little feet looked dangling from the sink and I grabbed my camera to try to document the sweet moments of bedtime.

Gabe and Clara love to brush their teeth with NO help from me. It requires a lot of climbing. I think that's the appeal.

Clara then demands a bath. I don't usually cave on this one. I prefer morning baths for her and Gabe. She tries anyway.

This lump is Nathan. He's trying to hide the fact that he's playing a video game and eating candy in bed.

See?

And sweet Aria needs her sleep. As long as she gets her hug, kiss, water and story, she's always the first one sleeping.

Strange, I feel a little better about bedtime now. Maybe 'cause they're all asleep at the moment.

O.H.I.O.

2010-05-18T16:18:00.000-07:00

No, not the state.

OHIO is my cleaning mantra. I have tried every cleaning system known to man and I'm basically a failure at all of them. But I keep trying.

However...OHIO sorta works. It means Only Handle It Once. If something is in your hands, don't just set it down. Put it where it goes.

The problem comes when I just stop picking things up so I can get around putting it away. It starts building up and I'm buried again.

Ah well, I'd rather take pictures of my cute kids anyway.

and...marbles. Yeah...that's more fun than cleaning too.

That picture is supposed to remind me to get my ducks in a row. It doesn't really work. But it was fun to shoot.

My first attempt at thrift store shopping

2010-05-16T15:36:00.000-07:00

I probably could have done better, but I was happy with this for my first time. 8 pieces of quality clothing for Aria and Nathan. A plate and bowl to make a cake plate, 6 various sized wooden frames (in the purple and yellow bags) for a project, 2 books, 2 purses and one toy (not pictured).

$60. 21 items, averaging a little under $3 per item.

Living with type 1 diabetes - a spouse's point of view

2010-05-16T02:50:00.000-07:00

It's 3 AM and I can't sleep thanks to the adrenaline that woke me up out of a dead sleep when my husband bumped into me while seizing in bed.

He starts seizing when his blood sugar hits 20.

Do you know what normal blood sugar is? It's 90-120.

There are two things that feed brain cells. Oxygen and sugar. Both are necessary. He was almost out of one of them.

Did you know there's a difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes? All we ever hear about is type 2. That's the one that old, unhealthy, overweight people get. Do you know who gets type 1? Kids. And nobody knows why the white blood cells attack and kill the pancreas in some kids. And nobody has a cure for it. Sure, there's a semblance of maintenance. But there's no cure.

Did you know that low blood sugar affects the same portion of the brain as alcohol does? A person who is low will act as if they're drunk.

Did you know that keeping your blood sugar abnormally high will make you lose weight really fast?

Did you know it will also build up a store of sugar in your liver so your body can try to save itself when you go too low and don't have someone around to give you sugar?

Did you know a diabetic's mouth and lips go numb when they're coming out of a low blood sugar episode?

Did you know high blood sugar makes a diabetic tired and really cranky?

Did you know the first thing to go when the blood sugar is dropping is motor skills? Do you want to know when I learned that?

At Disneyland. On my honeymoon.

We'd been married a few months before going on our honeymoon and besides teaching me to give him insulin shots so I wouldn't be squeamish about it, I didn't know much about diabetes. I figured he'd lived with it for 10 years, he knew what to do.

Ha.

He told me he needed to eat. I asked if he needed to eat immediately or if we could go find a good restaurant. He said we could walk still. 20 minutes later, we hadn't found the right place to eat and he starts kicking his legs out spastically on each step. Like he couldn't quite control his steps anymore. But he was still going and there was a table just ahead.

I had no idea what was going on. I didn't know if he was playing some sort of joke on me or what. It wouldn't have been unheard of. At the time, I had no idea how blood sugar worked or how it affected a person. I had no idea how quickly it drops or how slowly it rises. We made it to the table and Dave collapsed on a chair and drops his head onto his folded arms on the table. All he said was "I need juice."

So I went and STOOD IN LINE.

I don't know what I was thinking. Now, I would be loud and annoying and push my way to the front and tell everyone within ear shot that my husbands blood sugar is too low and I need sugar immediately. Screw the line.

But then. I didn't know. I didn't know what was going on. So I stood in line for another 15 minutes for a pink lemonade. I went back to the table that he hadn't moved from and he couldn't lift his head off his arms. He was all sweaty and limp. But he could still swallow.

I held his head up with one hand and held the straw to his mouth with the other. He managed to down the drink but couldn't talk yet so I just had to hope it would work. I laid his head back down (it was heavy!) and just waited in silence.

About 15 minutes later, he sat up and said he was ready to eat. It was like nothing had happened. But I knew. For me, everything had changed.

Diabetes is a weird disease. You can go from the brink of death to perfectly normal in a matter of minutes. One small mistake, taking the wrong kind of insulin, forgetting to eat, taking two shots because you forgot about the first one...all of those can put someone in a diabetic coma. I know because I've seen it.

I have so many stories that I've decided to start blogging about what it's like to live with a type 1 diabetic. People don't know the difference. When I mention I had to call 911 because I couldn't get any sugar in him, the number one thing people say to me is..."why didn't he take his medicine?" That's type 2. Type 2 diabetics have gotten so unhealthy that their pancreas has a hard time producing insulin. It works, just not well. There is no medicine for type 1. Type 1's just don't produce insulin. Ever. They're completely dependent on synthetic insulin and shots or a pump. They're supposed to check their blood sugar regularly but it's such a pain in the butt that they learn their symptoms and don't. Even I can guess within 10 points what Dave's blood sugar is by how he's acting.

The crazy eyes start around 60.

I took that picture because my friend, Aimee, has a young friend with type 1 diabetes. This young girl wanted to raise awareness by having people write hope on their hands and post a picture online. Without awareness, people won't care, and a cure won't be found. We have to have hope. We have to teach about diabetes. Over 700,000 people in the US have type 1/juvenile diabetes. It's been shown that children are more likely to contract type 1 when their father has type 1. We have four children.

We must have hope.

ETA: entered in i heart faces raise your hand contest.

Nathan cracks me up

2010-05-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

"Mom, there's something on my leg."

"What?"

"A Monster."

again...."What?"

hikes up his pant leg.

"and guess what? He moves."

Apparently he got bored at school today. lol

"the choice" A few pictures

2010-05-11T14:40:00.000-07:00

I really don't have any great pictures from our wedding. Sucks cause if I could go back in time and shoot it, it would rock.

Anyway... here are a few.

a couple months before meeting Dave. Note the ring.

Engagement. Our engagements are the only pictures I have of us while we were dating.

Wedding. Leaving the temple.

All the rest of the pics were taken behind the temple in one spot.

At the reception. I look like I'm totally over the line business.

There are a couple more pictures and a funny story in one of my old anniversary blogs.

"the choice" in Dave's words

2010-05-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

Dave wrote a short, funny version of our courtship several years ago but he humored me and fleshed it out for you. Enjoy!

******

Although I had really poor grades in high school, I had managed to do really well on the ACT and been accepted to go to BYU after I finished my mission. I thought for sure that this would be where I would meet my eternal companion. The mission president would sometimes joke about how hard one works as a missionary would determine how pretty the girl is that decides to marry him. I finished my mission strong having no ties to any girls at home and determined to find "the right girl"

On the last week of my mission I wrote a list of everything that I wanted in a perfect companion down to the eye color and everything and then began to prioritize the list from "eternal life sustaining" down to "eternal life threatening". Luckily nothing i had listed made it into the latter category. Once I was done I said a prayer for my future wife so that she would find her way to me. I was hoping for her to find her way to the airport when I got off the plane but wasn't going to hold it against her if took her a little longer. That night as I was falling asleep I saw myself sitting in a chair and watching her play the piano from behind. She was so beautiful and when I woke up the next morning I got my list of things I wanted my wife to have and moved the item titled "Plays the Piano" from "nice to have" up to the "vital" category. Once I got home my search began to find this piano player that I saw in my dream.

When I got to BYU I quickly found work in the laundry room of the Provo temple. This was a good job for me because it was really quiet and forced me to reflect on the direction I would take my life. I was focused on finding the girl I had seen in my vision. Finding dates at BYU as a returned missionary is about as hard as finding chocolate or ice cream in any of the girl's dorm rooms. They were everywhere. Someone left a bag of mushrooms on my door once with a note that read "Dave since you're such a fungi will you go to the dance with me?" I had never been introduced to the whole creative dating thing so I called the girl and told her I already had plans that night. Later that day I was rushed by all her roommates and told how rude I was and that I crushed her heart. Eventually I was forced to ask her out with a box of cereal or something "Honey Comb to the dance with me." so she would think that I wanted to ask her all along. The only problem was she was kind of short and didn't play the piano so I failed to see the logic in spending any time pursuing that relationship. I made time to date as many girls as I could while at BYU but quickly found that I may have to revise the list I had made that last week of my mission for fear of taking to long to find her and becoming a menace to society. I would rarely date the same girl more than once and saw no need to even ask a girl out if I knew she didn't play the piano. It got to the point where we would be talking over dinner at a nice restraunt and the conversation would go something like this: "Do you play the piano?" -- "Not really" -- "Do you play any music at all?" -- "I play CDs" -- "CHECK PLEASE!"

One thing I also learned quickly at BYU was how much girls talk to each other. I remember being cornered on one occasion by some girls that had figured me out. They asked why I never went on more than one date with the same girl and always asked every girl I went out with about their piano playing skills.

One day I decided to get up early and spend the whole day in the temple. I got this strong feeling that my wife wasn't in Provo and that I needed to move back home to find her immediately. This didn't make any sense at all because I was right in the middle of a semester and would fail all my classes if I left right then. But what if she was engaged to the wrong guy or something? I had to at least go home and visit to see if maybe I could find her there.

The next morning I loaded up my broken down honda with most of my belongings and went home for a "visit". Somehow I ended up landing a decent job as a web developer so I had to borrow my mom's van the following week and drive back to utah to get the rest of my stuff and tie up any loose ends in Provo. I quickly found some roommates in the singles ward and moved in with them. I still remember my first Sunday going to church because I had expected to find my wife. As I looked around the chapel I didn't see anyone that matched the image I still carried from my mission. I went to FHE at the church where a bunch of singles played broom hockey the following day and I got to meet quite a few people and quickly learned which ones could play the piano. I was already planning an audition in the primary room after the hockey game so I could see which girl, if any, was right and which one I should join or were they all wrong together? Anyway I ended up playing all the songs I had memorized and nobody wanted to play after that so I decided that maybe she hadn't moved into the ward yet.

Quite a bit of time had passed when I finally settled on a girl that could kind of play a casio keyboard and seemed like a pretty quality girl. I even got to the point where her and I went to visit her parents in Wyoming but all the while I kept feeling like I had been settling for less. One night Hillary said "i love you" and I felt pressured to say it back but knew right then it wasn't true and wasn't fair for her so I told her she deserved more and took off. I was back to square one.

A couple weeks later I was at a fireside and I overheard the institute director talking about a girl that had been traveling around as a photographer but was going to quit her job so she could take a calling as the institute choir pianist. All of a sudden I became really interested in joining the institute choir. I remember dragging my roommate Nate along since I didn't want to go alone and we got there a little late so we had to sit in the front row in the chairs furthest away from the piano. The piano player had her back to us and she played the piano beautifully. I kept looking over my sheet music knowing that she was the one but not knowing how I would bring it up to her. I didn't want to say one wrong word and then be forced to spend eternity alone because I messed up my chance. After choir practice I decided to just play the hardest song I knew on the piano to see if she would just leave or maybe come over and talk. When she sat down next to me on the bench I never wanted to leave her side. She was so beautiful and perfect and hopefully single but no matter what I had to try and ask her out.

I could have waited until next week but I never was very good at being patient so instead of risking eternal anguish of waiting a week only to get rejected I made Nate go back so I could write down the information of the new girl on the sign-up sheet so I could give her a call.

I chickened out on calling her phone number so instead I just emailed her from my work the following day. She emailed me back twice where the second email was a summary of the first email with the following explaination:

Hi Dave....
I just sent an email....but my computer tripped out at
the last second and I don't know if you got it.

I did get both emails and kept them forever. I proposed 2 weeks after meeting Misty and we were sealed in the Seattle Temple 5 weeks after that. I had pawned off all my video game equipment so that I could put a good down payment on a platinum ring. I had already purchased the ring before she hinted at wanting white gold instead of yellow. I took it with me when I went to meet her parents over Christmas so I could propose to her by the waterfall in her back yard but was too chicken to ask her dad for permission despite all the times Misty and her Mom left me alone with him. I would probably be weary of some guy that just shows up out of nowhere wanting to marry my daughter though I felt like I had won over Misty's mom fairly quickly when I sat down to their grand piano and started to play. Her mom warmed up to me right away showing me all sorts of Misty's baby pictures. I'll never forget when I was palying the piano and talking to her she asked me how I felt about scouting and I told her I was an Eagle she ran over and opened their back door and yelled "Larry! He's an Eagle Scout!" Made me feel good so I didn't want to tell her that my mom made it a pre-requisite to getting a driver's license.

Everything happened so fast and is still sort of a blur but the feelings of the spirit on that first night I met Misty are still there. I finally found the love that I would spend eternity with and each day she proves to be every bit as good as the spirit said she was and then some.

*****

Ok, it's me again. I totally forgot to add the part about the checklist! I still have that thing. I matched his list. Right down to the blue eyes. It was like he was describing me.

Also, regarding the dream he had of a piano player on his mission: Not long after we were married, we were over at his parents house. I was sitting at their piano playing one of my favorite Michael McLean songs. It's a short one called "Let His Love Reach You" with a really pretty melody. Suddenly Dave came running in and goes

"what were you just playing?"

I started playing it again and he sat down and said "that's the song you were playing in my dream." I got chills.

I pulled out some pictures yesterday. I'll try and get them scanned in so you can have pictures with the story too. :)

"the choice" epilogue

2010-05-05T21:51:00.000-07:00

"in which my story continues"

Our honeymoon was 3 months after our wedding so Dave could get the time off work. We drove my trusty Buick down hwy 1 on the west coast from Seattle to San Diego, stopping along the way in various spots. We even hopped the border for a day in Tijuana.

The next 10 years contained the highest highs and the lowest lows of my lifetime. The first time since we met that we spent a day without seeing each other was 2 1/2 years after we were married. It hasn't always been perfect, but we complement each other nicely.

We've celebrated each others accomplishments and supported each others failures. We made it through 4 births, miscarriage and a few diabetic comas together. We love each other more every day.

I feel confident in assuming that with eternity as our goal, we will live happily ever after. I know that I made the right choice back in December of 99 and I'm grateful I learned to listen to the promptings of the Spirit.

In case you're wondering about Matt, he met someone and got married in the temple after his mission and has a couple kids now.

PS...you know what I learned while writing this? Maybe real life really is like a cheesy LDS romance novel. :D

"the choice" ch-13

2010-05-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

"in which I become newly wed"

It was the longest 10 minutes of my life. I sat staring at the front doors willing him to walk through them. My dress was on my lap and my mom was sitting next to me. I kept looking at my watch and I nervously spun my ring on my finger. I was sure something had happened. Every situation from a diabetic coma to a car accident to leaving me at the alter ran through my head. I was just thinking about finding a phone when I saw his friend from BYU and about 10 feet behind him was Dave looking oh-so-handsome in his tux with the slight zoot suit feel to it. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and my perma-grin was reattached to my face.

We entered the temple together and then went our separate ways to get ready. I felt like a princess in the brides room and I was so excited about my dress. It was soft satin with an empire waist with simple pearl beading around the waist and down the zipper on the back. It had a chiffon overlay on the slightly a-line skirt that had a short train. It had a square neck and the sleeves were satin to my elbow where the pearl beading attached long chiffon sleeves that went to the floor. Kind of...modern renaissance.

He was waiting for me in a small room where we sat together and held hands until our guests were seated. We then went into the sealing room and sat down together. As I was sitting there looking around the room and feeling grateful for all the family that had come I suddenly saw my Grandpa Harvey in my minds eye. (he died when I was a child) He was standing in front of me and he was proud of me and wished he could hug me. His daughter, my Aunt, who died on her mission, was with him. I was overwhelmed by all the love in the room.

The ceremony was simple and beautiful. The Sealer gave us advise before hand to attend the temple often and to not let possessions or "stuff" overwhelm our lives. When it was over we met up with everyone outside the temple. It was a gorgeous day for January. Blue skies, sunshine and probably nearly 60. Nobody had coats on. We took pictures, had a lunch at the stake center and then everyone took off.

Our reception was the next night in my home town and it was everything I had hoped for. Simple, elegant and zero foof. Here we were, 7 weeks from our first date, dancing together as a married couple.

And I wouldn't trade a single moment of it.

"the choice" ch-12

2010-05-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

"in which somebody's feet drop in temperature"

The next few weeks were a whirlwind of preparation and fun. I went back to the lady that had started sewing my wedding dress months ago to see if she could finish in just a few weeks. She said since she had already begun that it should be fine.

There were many, many phone calls and plans. I wanted a white on white wedding with accents of silver. I really wanted to transform the church gym as much as possible. I told anybody that was even remotely involved that there must be ZERO FOOF. I wanted clean, flowy, delicate lines throughout. Not foofy bouquets or bows. No themes of any sort, just simple and beautiful.

We found a rental place for the drapes, linens and lights for under the tables. We got icicle lights to surround it the gym with long white drapes and strips of tulle. I picked out silver ribbon for accents and silver floating rose candles for centerpieces. I picked out a daisy circle instead of a veil, much to the horror of my proper little 6 year old cousin. Girls who get married are SUPPOSED to wear veils after all! My Aunt's sister in law agreed to do the simple flowers I wanted and my Grandma agreed to do the catering. My dad built a backdrop frame for the "line" area, a friend agreed to do the temple pictures and we found a photographer for the reception. We got the cake ordered, the music arranged and I booked our wedding night at Snoqualmie Lodge.

The main hurdle was the invitations. The time constraint and cost made it so we didn't want to get them professionally made. So we bought cardstock, designed them ourselves and printed them at Dave's office. In the end they were pretty ghetto but I didn't care. People just throw them away anyway. lol

In the meantime Dave and I saw each other every day. He was rarely far from his guitar and I started hearing the hilarious songs he had written. He would sometimes play that song from "The Wedding Singer" too. The one about growing old together. I loved it! He started teaching me some guitar. We went to church together, went to the temple together, read the scriptures together, went on dates and stayed up late talking. He met Matt and Matt left for the MTC. We would often marvel at the Heavenly orchestration that got us in the same place at the same time.

About a week before the wedding Dave became very distant. He was still going to work and seeing me after work but he wasn't talking like before. He wasn't joking and laughing and playing music. Something was different and he wouldn't talk to me about it. I was terrified that he had changed his mind. My visions of the future were slipping through my fingers. But he didn't say anything. His college roommate/friend flew up from BYU as planned and I got a hotel room near the temple with my mom and sisters the night before the wedding. We stayed up late, giggling and laughing and just enjoying each other. We needed to be at the temple at 9:30 AM so I got up early (who am I kidding? I didn't sleep at all, I was too excited), my sister did my hair, and my cousin did my makeup.

I went to the temple with my mom and we sat in the lobby to wait for Dave. All the while in the back of my mind was that nagging little fear about his state of mind for the last few days.

He was late.

"the choice" ch-11

2010-05-05T00:19:00.000-07:00

"in which the ring makes an appearance"

Once we got home, I spent some time hanging out with Traci and Anna (my HS bff's and 1st yr of college roomies). We hadn't spent much time together since we all moved on and we were having a great time. On Tuesday, December 28th, Dave called to see if I could attend the temple with him that night. I agreed and took my time getting ready and chatting with my friends.

He showed up with a dozen roses, 11 red, 1 yellow (I had told him yellow roses were my favorite rose), and presented them to me. Clue number 1. I think I shot a glance at my friends or my Aunt...I know somebody was there, just don't remember who.

We headed up to the temple and went through a session. In the celestial room, he held my hand (did I mention our hands fit together perfectly?) and we just reveled in the peaceful feeling. He leaned close and whispered "do you want to spend eternity with me?" Clue number 2.

We left the celestial room and went to the hallway. He led me to a bench in the hallway and we sat down together. We talked about nothing of real importance for a minute and then he took my left hand, removed my ring that he had placed there the week before and put it back on my right hand. Clue number 3.

Then I totally ruined the moment. After moving my ring over, he stood up. I thought we were leaving. I had no idea why he took my ring off and I remember being confused but just hoping he'd get to the proposal part soon because I wanted something on that hand! So, since he stood up, I stood up too and started to walk down the hall. That's when I realized he stood up so he could pull something out of his pocket. Something small.

Shoot! Why did I stand up and make it all awkward? He rolled with it though. He took my left hand, placed a gorgeous platinum ring on my finger and simply asked "will you marry me?" I said yes and we hugged for ever. Until his parents happened to walk by. To this day I don't know if they went to the temple because they knew his plans or if it was a coincidence. Either way, they invited us to join them for some proxy sealings, so our first 20 minutes as an engaged couple was spent listening to the words of the sealing ceremony. Very cool, I have to say.

The ring was a little big so I was holding my hand in a fist all the time so I wouldn't lose it. When I got home there was much hugging and squealing.

Over the next few days Dave and I discussed dates. We didn't want a long engagement because we figured with all the trouble the Lord went to to get us together, then it must be "meant to be" and there was no sense in delaying the inevitable. We liked the idea of getting married right around Valentines day but when I called the temple I found out they were closed for cleaning the first 2 weeks of February. So then we either had to move it up or move it back. We figured why wait? and set the sealing for January 28th. Less than a month away.

I really had no idea if we could pull it off, but I figured enlisting my family would up my odds and we went to work on a speed wedding that met all my picky criteria.

I just wasn't sure if we'd succeed.

"the choice" ch-10

2010-05-04T13:20:00.000-07:00

"in which Dave is a big fat chicken"

My mom was being awfully quiet on the phone. As a mother now, I'd probably think my child was certifiable if they called me with the sort of news I called her with. She finally started asking questions. How old is he? 24. How did I meet him? Choir. Is he a returned missionary? Yes. (I decided not to mention that little detail of him getting arrested while on his mission.) What does he do for a living? I dunno. Something with computers. I gave all the right answers and she agreed that I could bring him home for Christmas. I assume she then went into overdrive to make sure she had things prepared for an extra guest.

I don't remember the drive there, we probably just talked a lot. Had to get to know each other, after all. I do remember standing in the kitchen after we got there. My parents house is on 10 acres of land and my dad was out near the barn. My mom was talking to Dave and he said he was an eagle scout. She opened the door and hollered out to my dad "HE'S AN EAGLE SCOUT!"

He was making a good impression.

Now I knew the point of this trip. I knew he wanted to talk to my dad before he officially proposed. What I didn't understand was why he wasn't doing it already. I mean, sure, my dad is maybe a little protective, maybe a little scary. And maybe Dave realized that he'd only known me a week and he had a ring burning a hole in his pocket and a future Father-in-law to talk to and it was maybe a little overwhelming. But, HELLO! Soon to be bride, here. I was not feeling very patient about the whole getting the ring business. After all, I had no idea what it looked like.

So, we're coming up on Christmas morning and I'm thinking, he's got to talk to him soon. I mean, it's Christmas! What better gift could I get than a ring on Christmas!? But as far as I knew, there had been no talking yet.

Christmas morning comes and I was sitting on the couch with Dave on one side and my 18 yr old sister on the other side. We're waiting for our 12 year old sister to join us so we can get started. She finally comes down and walks by the couch. At this point Rachel leans over, grabs April's sweats and pantsed her right in front of everybody. April collapses to the floor squealing in indignation while Rachel laughs hysterically. I remember thinking "crap, he's never going to want to marry into this family."

Somehow April recovered and we made it through Christmas and there was no ring for me. Boo. I figured it was time to get creative or he'd never get the guts to talk to my dad. (as an aside, I gave him a framed picture of the Seattle Temple that I happened to have taken on the day we met. Just a few hours before we met.)

The next day was a quiet Sunday and as the day was winding to a close and knowing we were leaving the next morning, I asked my dad for a father's blessing. My mom, sisters and Dave were all there. The spirit was very strong and I was reassured that I was making the right choice. I was told if I hadn't followed the promptings of the spirit I would have missed out on great blessings. The room was so calm and quiet at the end. I gave my dad a hug and then I looked at my mom and sisters and was like "I'm gonna go, uh...write in my journal" and they were all "yeah, I need to go...um...do stuff" "Right! I forgot about this thing..." and we high tailed it out of there leaving Dave and my dad stuck with each other.

I tried to eavesdrop but they were being quiet.

I found out later that when my dad gave me the blessing he knew then that it was the last time he'd say my maiden name in a blessing. My mom said the spirit was so strong that she knew it was right for us to get married. Rachel hated "Matt with the stupid small head." (seriously, that's what she called him) so she was just glad it was anybody but him.

We went home the next day. Still no proposal. I was getting anxious. What in the world was he waiting for?

"the choice" ch-9

2010-05-03T16:11:00.001-07:00

"in which he loves me anyway"

We were sitting on the couch in the house he shared with his brother and 2 friends and I was watching Dave's face closely for a reaction. We'd only known each other for 4 days, I was sure he'd run away now that he knew everything.

But he didn't.

He pulled my head to his shoulder and told me that it was all in the past and didn't matter. We talked for hours and kissed a few times too. By now we both were pretty dang sure that this was going somewhere eternal but neither of us voiced it. We did talk about love and I found out that he had left BYU in the middle of a semester because he was in the temple and had the strongest impression that his wife was not at BYU. So he went home to find her. He was absolutely and completely accepting of me and I was floating somewhere far beyond cloud 9 already.

We saw each other every day that week. On Thursday I met his family. Well, part of them. His Mom was kind and gracious but very confused by my hair color. Apparently when Dave told her about me he said I was blonde. Still not sure where he got that idea from. When I met his Grandma she was appalled by my name. The first thing she said to me was that if her name was Misty, she would pay $1000 to change it because of that evil Pokemon show. I think I said something intelligent like "...oh..."

I learned something else that night. I had noticed this chain he wore around his neck and so at one point I hooked it with my finger and said "what's this?" as I pulled it out from under his shirt. It was a medical ID tag. It stated that he had type 1 diabetes. Now, you have to understand, my only knowledge of t1 diabetes came from Stacy in The Babysitters Club books (I was addicted to those things as a kid. It wasn't until I realized I'd read 4 halloween themed books and the characters hadn't aged at all that I stopped reading them.) Anyway, turns out the author had no idea what she was talking about. So my knowledge of diabetes was slim to none. I asked a couple questions and he assured me it was no big deal. I believed him. It wasn't until our honeymoon that I learned what a big deal it actually could be, but that's another story.

That night we attended the temple together. We were both praying to know if what we thought we were feeling was something that we should stick with. Sitting in the celestial room after the session he took a ring off my right hand, moved it to my left hand and said "what's your ring size?" I answered and could barely contain my excitement.

The next morning I woke up in a panic. We didn't look at rings together and as far as I knew we weren't going to. But I hate yellow gold. Hate it. And he needed to know that because I didn't want to hate my ring forever. So I ran to the library and checked my email (even then I preferred to write rather than call). He had written to me and forwarded one of those "about me" surveys. (probably a good idea seeing as I really didn't know anything about him.) This distracted me and I wrote this to him.

Just so you know. I'm sitting in the library cracking
up at the computer. People are looking at me like I'm
standing on my head and singing I'm a Little Teapot.
That was hilarious.........I love you more every
second......
Always,
Misty Dawn (what a neat name....I hear it's worth one
thousand dollars!!!!!!)

Then I was like, crap, I forgot. So I sent a second email right after. (for reference, he skipped out on plans with a friend to hang out with me the night before)

Hey hon,
I forgot to ask if J is mad at you. Tell him
it's all my fault and I tied you up and dragged you
everywhere we went....... ;o)
I also forgot to tell you something......
I've always want a white gold wedding ring....
Love Ya!!!!!
Forever.....
Misty Dawn

huh...I had a serious ellipses addiction.

Feeling better about that, we made plans for him to come home and meet my family for Christmas the next week.

It was time to call my mom and tell her that since the last time we'd spoken, I'd broken up with Matt and gotten unofficially engaged to someone I'd known for 7 days.

"the choice" ch-8

2010-05-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

"in which there is a first kiss and a last dance"

He sat with his arm around me all through church. It was then that the knowledge settled on me with assurance that I was choosing him. I was choosing the new, unknown over the old and comfortable and there was no question that it was the right choice. I had no idea what to expect and I was okay with that.

This was a new sensation for me. I grew up in the same town, ward, school and with the same friends. Until I moved to Seattle there wasn't a whole lot of change and faith leaping going on. But I was okay with it. The only worry was how to tell Matt.

Dave wanted to do something after church and I just told him I already had plans to go see a friend. I assured him I'd call him later. He drove me to my Aunts house where I was just moving from his car to mine. I squeezed his hand and smiled at him and he got out and walked me to my car. He gave me a hug and I got in and shut the door. I watched him walk back to his car in my rear view mirror when halfway there he stopped and turned around. I rolled down my window to see what he wanted. He got to my car, leaned into the window and kissed me twice. They were quick and gentle, then he turned and left without a word.

I was stunned. I just sat there for several minutes. It wasn't until he had driven away that I realized what I was doing and decided to restart my breathing and go do what I knew I had to do.

I had an hour drive to think about what to say to Matt. I ran several scenarios through my mind but I wasn't really ready when I got there. I think he knew something was up based on my body language and that I was being really quiet. We went to his room to be out of his parents ear shot and sat down. Some of his mission luggage was already out for odds and ends that he was collecting to take along. I don't really remember the words I said. I remember expressing that I knew we weren't going to get married, regardless of what happened between Dave and I. I remember telling him that when I read his patriarchal blessing months ago and got to the part about his wife, I saw her in my mind and it sure as heck wasn't me. I remember that he ran through the stages of grief really fast. At one point he ignored me and played his video games. At another point he threw a bottle of tylonol against the wall where it popped open and pills flew around. He cried, he asked if I was sure and in the end I tried to give him his ring back (he wouldn't take it) but a peace settled around both of us.

I stood up to go and he tried to hug me. I pulled away a little because I didn't want to be a cheater and I felt much more invested in Dave. He looked hurt and asked if I would just dance with him before I left. I agreed and we shared a last dance. I don't think there was music, even. But it was a poignant moment. The end of a relationship that had brought major changes to both of our lives. And now we were both moving on in new ways. He was preparing to serve the Lord for 2 years in Florida, and I was jumping into the unknown with a serenity in my heart that I had never known before.

The next day I had an email from Dave asking how my evening was and did I want to hang out when he got off work? I went to the gym that day and started to worry again. It was time for phase 2 of this whole honesty thing. I needed to explain that I had, in a sense, broken up with my fiance the night before.

"the choice" ch-7

2010-05-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

"in which I must choose"

I didn't have internet access at my home at this time so I would go to the library once a day to check my email. The next day I opened my email and saw this. (this is the real email, he saved all our emails for a long time)

Prepare yourself for some serious cheese.

To: 'photobug_mdj@yahoo.com'
Subject: Hi there Misty Johnson what's your middle name?

I assume it starts with the letter "D"

Anyway, I hope you don't mind me writing down your e-mail address and phone number last night at institute but I really wanted to get to know you a little better. I decided it would be better if I sent you an e-mail before giving you a call. Then again I'm not sure how often you actually check your e-mail.

This is Dave you taught me a new Jazz scale last night after institute choir practice (thank you). You mentioned your hobby / job as Photo Art and two of my favorite things are Art and cute piano players. *wink*

Well I hope you'll let me come over and check out some of your art work. My number is ... Feel free to give me a call anytime. If you don't reply to this e-mail I'll give you a call sometime on Saturday or Sunday unless I chicken out. I hope to see you around though.

Have a wonderful day.

I found out later that after he left the institute building he made his roommate turn around and go back. He pulled my info off the roster sheet.

Naturally, I got excited and wrote him back immediately. I answered his questions and we set up a date for Saturday night.

He was late.

I was pacing around the living room. I had pulled out some of my best pictures from my photography classes to show off and was randomly sitting at the piano and pounding out "Phantom of the Opera" and other loud, obnoxious songs that I play when I'm anxious.

He finally pulled up in his ancient, beat up, brown Honda Accord. I peaked through the curtains and placed my hand on my chest to try to calm my heart. I took a deep breath and opened the door. He had one of those single roses in a vase that you can buy at any grocery store. I thanked him and set it on the table. I showed him some of my pictures, he was appropriately kind and enthusiastic and we left.

He opened the door for me and I climbed in, noticing the duct tape on the sun roof and the nice stereo that didn't match the rest of the car. I was wearing my favorite purple, checkered pants. Might as well broadcast my weird sense of style from the beginning, after all. Turns out I was with a kindred spirit. He turned on the car and the CD player was cued to start playing in the middle of a Toby Keith song. (jump to 2:45 on that video and you can hear what I heard when the car started).

I didn't really appreciate the planning that went into that until later. At the time I just thought it was strange but didn't think much of it. He turned the radio down and we headed out to our first date.

He took me to the Holiday Lights at Enchanted Village. We were with his brother and his brother's girlfriend and his roommate was there with a date too. It was a mild night for December. The lights were beautiful and there was a light breeze. We just strolled from ride to ride, sitting close together on the rides to stay warm. It wasn't long before he used the pretense of keeping me warm to put his arm around me. I snuggled in and not much later we were holding hands.

Then I came up on a problem. Everybody got in line for the Squirrel Cages. I get motion sick. Bad. It was not in my plan for the evening to yarf all over my date and I had been on the squirrel cages before. I know what happens to me when I'm spinning in a cage which is on a spinning platform. It's not pretty. I pulled on Dave's hand and tried to get out of it. I said I'd sit this one out and immediately his brother and friend started ribbing me for it. I was trying really hard to not let on that it would make me sick. I was trying not to make anything of it but Dave was getting teased and he didn't understand why I wouldn't get on. Finally, I gave in to the peer pressure (and the fact that Dave was dragging me towards the entrance) and got in one of the dreaded cages.

I was having visions of vomit and disgust from my date and his friends. I was NOT willing to face that. I knew I'd just get a headache if I was only spinning one direction and not two. So I grabbed Dave's hands and begged him not to spin the cage. I ~~stared~~ gazed at him in what I hoped was a flirtatious and not a desperate manner. I kept my hands on his and prayed that he wouldn't spin the cage.

He didn't. We both suffered a barrage of teasing from everyone after we got off but I didn't care. My insides stayed where they belonged and that was all that mattered.

The rest of the night was a swirl of Christmas lights, stars and a warm hand. We made plans to attend church together the next morning. He dropped me off at home later and I totally flopped onto my bed like a twitterpated movie starlet.

That was when I realized that I needed to do something about Matt. He had moved back in with his parents while getting ready for his mission. He was set to enter the MTC in mid-January and up til now our plan was to both go on missions and then just see what happened when we got home. His parents lived about an hour from my Aunt and Uncle and I was already planning to go to his house the next day for dinner. I knew I needed to end things in a more permanent way and that I mustn't put it off.

I went to sleep torn between excitement to see Dave again in the morning and trepidation to talk to Matt that afternoon.

It was time to choose between a new, unknown future and the one I'd been preparing for for months.

"the choice" ch-6

2010-05-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

"in which everything changes"

My final shoot as a glamour shots photographer was close to home. It was only a couple hours south of Seattle. (as an aside, it was pouring rain that day and the house was small and blue. For some reason I've always imagined Bella's house in Twilight to look like this house.) Anyway, after that shoot was over, I headed back to my Aunt and Uncle's house.

At this point, I had a nice savings account and no job and no real plans for the future besides that I knew I needed to do whatever calling I was asked to do. I didn't have to wait long. The very next day was the First Presidency Christmas Broadcast. On my way to my seat, the institute choir director stopped me. He said he heard I wasn't going to be traveling anymore and would I be able to play the piano for the institute choir on Thursday? I thought to myself, "duh...this is why I quit my job!" and told him I'd be there.

I remember every moment of Thursday night, Dec 9, 1999. I took my time getting ready. I was wearing khaki pants, a long sleeved white shirt and a green vest/jacket thing. My hair had been recently cut and dyed at that MT salon and I was feeling pretty good. I walked into the institute room and noticed a sign up sheet. I wrote down my name and email address and then I sat at the piano. I was early so I could practice a bit and I didn't really pay much attention as people came in. The Institute Choir was made up of all the south Seattle singles wards so I didn't know a lot of people there. Really only the few from my ward. I'd spent the last 6 months as a bit of a recluse and I was naturally quiet, especially in new situations, so I basically ignored everybody and just played the piano.

About half way through the choir practice, I looked over my left shoulder and noticed a couple guys sitting in the front row of the tenor section. One of them had been looking at me so I turned back around and did my best to ignore him. (I should probably mention here that the ring Matt gave me was a simple, gold band that had previously been his own pinky ring and I had never taken it off my left, ring finger even though we technically broke up. I figured I was going on a mission anyway, it would dissuade the crazies that had previously hit on me).

Choir practice ended and I started gathering up my music. I stood up and one of the two guys that I had noticed earlier came over and started talking to me. He seemed like a nice guy and we chatted for a few minutes. The other guy didn't say a word to me. He sat down on the piano seat that I had just vacated and started to play "Waterfall" by Jon Schmidt by memory.

Naturally, he caught my attention and I turned away from the guy that only spoke. I was captivated by the music and I remember just watching his hands. Any hands that could play like that were worthy of my attention. When the song ended he just started dinking around with chords and runs. I think I asked if he knew any blues scales but I don't really remember talking to him. I know I sat down next to him and showed him the B flat blues scale. I told him to just play random notes and rhythms in that scale and I'd play a bass riff. For the next several minutes we improvised some jazz together. It had been a while since I'd played the piano with someone who could hear music so well and I had so much fun.

The room had emptied out by this point and we stood up. We spoke for a few minutes, I found out both the guys' names and that they were roommates. They said they had to go and they took off. I left right after that and just figured maybe I'd see them at the next choir practice.

I had no idea at the time that one of them already knew he was going to marry me.

"the choice" ch-5

2010-05-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

"in which I learn to listen"

I have many fond memories of the time I spent traveling. I saw some of the most beautiful country in the world and I really began to see things in a different way. It's when I felt my photographers eye beginning to really take shape.

I'll never forget the first time I saw "the tree of Utah" popping up out of the salt flats along a highway of nothing. Seriously, nothing. In areas like that I would put my trusty old Buick on cruise control and turn sideways with my legs up on the bench seat next to me and just drive. (I know...it's a wonder I'm not dead).

I remember the breathtaking view from Donner Pass in NV, the charming ski resort town in CO, the "curl up and dye" salon in a small MT town who gave me my first professional dye job and her house tucked back in the mountains where I'm pretty sure bigfoot lives.

There was the lady in Salt Lake who gave everybody a hug when then came or left from her house. Even me, a complete stranger. But it was no ordinary hug. You know how in European countries they kiss both cheeks? (at least they do in the movies...) Well, she would hug both sides. She'd hug with her head to the left then she'd pull back and say "We can't leave the other side out!" and she'd hug again to the right.

I remember searching for some caves with hieroglyphs, but never finding them. I ended up on some sort of private military testing ground. Oops.

I also got lost a lot. But I didn't mind. I learned my way around eventually and I saw a lot more cool stuff.

I remember driving down through Sanpete County towards the Manti temple and seeing it rise up as if from nowhere. A castle in the distance. I took my time on this day. I stopped along the highway several times to take pictures of different things and I sat outside the Manti Temple for quite some time. My motivation for going there was to get a picture for my parents. (I used to take b/w film pictures and after I'd print them, I'd paint them with oils to add a muted color to the image.) My parents were sealed in Manti and I'd always wanted to go. It was then, sitting on the grounds across the street from the Manti temple that I was truly filled with a desire to receive my own endowments.

In fact, I loved it there so much that I began dreaming about moving there after my mission so I could buy a little house with some land and live a quiet life in the middle of nowhere with a few animals, a garden, a lot of books and a darkroom for my photography. I'd take beautiful pictures and get famous from my quaint little cottage. Obviously I'd be single because LDS guys didn't know I existed. (I was a little dramatic with my daydreams)

On my next weekend home I began to prepare to go to the temple. I took the temple prep classes over the next few weeks and on November 5th, 1999, I went through the Portland Temple for the first time. I can only describe that day as a day filled with more love than I had ever experienced at one time. Many of my singles ward friends, all my extended family, and Matt made the trip with me.

After that day I determined to attend the temple weekly and I did. I began to grow by leaps and bounds and I began to understand how the Lord speaks to me. It was over the next few weeks that I realized something was missing in my fabulous world of long distance travel, interesting people and glamour shots.

Using the words of the scriptures, the Lord told me that I needed to serve. The thought consumed me. Every prayer I said, every time I opened my scriptures, every new ward I attended while traveling, I felt the same thing. "As long as you're not at home, you can't serve in my church. You must hold a calling now. It's time to go home."

And this time, I listened.

"the choice" ch-4

2010-05-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

"in which I begin to find myself"

I don't remember a single word that was spoken in that blessing. I do remember what I felt. I remember thinking how grateful I was to be in a home with family who loved me and priesthood holder who was willing and able to exercise that priesthood even for silly little me who had just gotten dumped. I knew that Heavenly Father was mindful of me and that he was just trying to guide me. I knew that if I would just be still and let go of my desperate plans that he would guide me. By the end of the blessing I was calm and had a spark of hope.

I was finishing my second year of college then, in which I had taken every black and white film class available to me. I was attending the singles ward and I was finally able to consider myself and my life without a boyfriend around to confuse me.

At the time I was finishing up my last quarter of the year and working at blockbuster video. I wasn't really doing much else and suddenly an opportunity dropped in my lap.

It was the late 90's and all I wanted was a job in photography. I went to one of those in home party things with my Aunt. Women would get together and get makeovers. The hostess would try to sell the makeup. THEN they'd get their pictures taken by a photographer who worked for a sister company and just traveled around doing these in home parties in a certain region of the country. Not just any pictures, mind you. Glamour shots, baby! Later on the photos would go to the hostess and they'd try to milk more money out of their friends by selling those.

So I strike up a conversation with the photographer and before I know it I have an interview set up. Within a week I had an entire traveling glamour shots studio (provided by the company) to pack into my Buick and I started traveling all over the western US. (incidentally, when I tell this story now I just say I was a traveling photographer. It sounds a lot better than when I add the details of the sequins, boas, shiny wraps, faux leather and cheesy poses.)

I suddenly had a lot of time to think. I was on the road all day, living in hotels, spending a couple hours at a strangers house then back to the hotel. I'd go weeks without a weekend at home. I'd have a schedule starting in Washington and I'd loop down through Oregon, California, Nevada, Utah (they liked their glamour shots there, lol), Idaho, Montana then back to Washington.

I loved it.

I loved the long hours on the road. I loved stopping whenever I felt like it to take pictures for myself. I loved seeing new things and I loved the people. I met the coolest people at those parties. People I'll never see again but that made an impression on me in some way. I loved visiting friends in UT and reading lots and lots of books in the hotel. I loved the freedom.

During this time I found myself drawing closer to God than I ever had before. I had recently turned 20 and was feeling like I might as well prepare for a mission since I didn't think I'd have any other options by the time I turned 21. The job paid really well and since the company paid for all my gas and lodging, I didn't really have any bills. I figured I'd save up for a mission and I began preparing to go to the temple.

Little did I know I was actually saving up for my wedding.

"the choice" ch-3

2010-05-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

"In which God takes over"

Summer 1998
My first year of college was ending. It was fun and different than anything I'd ever experienced. It was full of highs and lows and significant moments. People moved in and out of my life with an impact. I learned who I was and what I believed. But I was still caught up in the relationship that shouldn't have been.

Everybody was making plans around me. My 2 best friends and roommates were moving on to new, far away schools. Matt was offered a job and apartment with his cousin and brother in Wisconsin of all places and I was sitting there with no idea what to do. I had begun looking at photography programs but I didn't know which one was right.

Out of the blue, I received a phone call from my Aunt. She lived in the Seattle area and said that her and her husband had been prompted to call and invite me to live with them. With no other real plans, and a calmness in my soul when I considered the option, I accepted. Looking back, this couldn't have been easy for them to do. They had 3 small children of their own and they were inviting a confused, barely 19 year old to come live with them and their kids.

That summer, I went to Wisconsin for a month then moved to the Seattle area and began a long distance relationship with Matt. I was too stubborn and slightly jaded by my experience in the young, single adult ward in my home town to jump right into that in Seattle. So for the first 6-8 months I went to a family ward. There were 2 other single adults attending that ward for their own reasons and we became friends.

Aimee and I decided together to start attending the YSA ward and it was a strange conglomeration of what I needed and what I feared. Even though I was still with Matt, I used this time to look for a better offer. I figured if he was out there, he'd show up. Otherwise I'd stick with Matt.

It didn't happen. I had several guy friends, but not a single one asked me out. I went to the activities and dances and church and institute. I put myself out there and I did meet someone. He was a non-LDS guy that went to a dance with his friend. True story. I figured I didn't know how to attract LDS guys. This guy I met ended up being rather stalkerish and it wasn't until I took the roses he gave me and tossed them in the trash in front of him that he finally took the hint and backed off.

This is around the point that I figured I might as well stick with what I had. I went to visit Matt in Wisconsin and came home with a gold ring. The wedding was set for August of 1999.

I excitedly started making plans but the whole time it felt surreal and unnatural. The only thing that I actually managed to get together was trying on dresses and contacting a dress maker to get my design made.

I kept meeting road blocks in making the actual wedding plans when one day in May, Matt called to tell me that he'd had a dream and knew he needed to go on a mission before he could marry me.

I was heartbroken and did something I should have done a long time ago. I started to trust God, turn my will towards His and asked my Uncle for a blessing.

"the choice" - chapter 2

2010-04-30T14:16:00.001-07:00

"In which my prayers are answered...and I don't listen"

Matt and I fell hard and fast for each other. We worked together, went to the community college together and lived next door to each other. He was not LDS and was raised with very different standards than I was.

I wasn't worried though. I'd fix him.

It wasn't long before I'd taken him to church and introduced him to the sister missionaries. They met at my parents house and he was baptized after we'd been together for about 8 months.

During this time, I was struggling with my testimony and some bad choices I was making. I had no question about the truthfulness of the gospel but I didn't know if I was even remotely significant to God. I wasn't sure He was aware of me. It was Matt who pulled out my patriarchal blessing and showed me the first line. It said, unconditionally, that my Heavenly Father loved me and knew me. I was flooded with peace and knew that it was the truth. I began to take the necessary steps to return to full activity at church.

And then...life began to change. My first year of college was ending and I finally knew what I wanted to do with my future. During spring quarter I took my very first photography class and I fell in love. I still wanted desperately to be a wife and mother, but I had found something that filled my soul in a different way. I found a creative outlet that was different than the music that had been my focus previously. I loved music, still do, but this was different. It was like breathing. I needed it in a way I'd never needed an activity or hobby before.

It was at this point that God took over for me. I think he realized that my lack of motivation was crippling my future and He'd better start nudging me along.

I received a letter from one of my HS friends, Krista. She had gone the way of most of my LDS HS friends and was at BYU. (I was completely anti-BYU...this will come up again later). I hadn't really stayed in close touch with my HS friends (I'm not so good at that) so this letter was a big surprise.

She said that she just felt a need to write this letter to me. In it she told me a story. She'd been dating a good, LDS guy for a while and he proposed. So she went home to pray about it. She asked Heavenly Father "will I be happy with him?" and she received a peace that she would. If I recall correctly, she told him yes, but still felt uneasy. So she went back to her knees and changed the question. "Is he the man I'm supposed to marry?" The answer was no, accompanied by peace so she broke up with him.

So here's where I decided to get tricky. I was unhealthily invested in Matt. I was determined to marry him for a variety of reasons but the biggest one was that I thought it would right some wrongs that I had done. So I thought to myself, I don't want to know if he's the right one. All I need is to be happy. I'm just going to pray and ask if I'll be happy with him. That's a good idea. I can live with that.

So I immediately hit my knees by the couch. I was gripping Krista's letter in one hand and all I asked was "Will I be happy married to Matt?"

I have never before or since then received an answer to prayer that was so strong and undeniable. There was no "still, small voice" involved in this answer. It was more like a loud, booming and determined voice. And it was NOT my voice, nor was it the answer I wanted. It was a definite and immediate "NO." There was no question where it came from and I knew then that my plans were not going to happen like I wanted...but I'm a teensy bit (okay, a lot bit) stubborn and I thought, I'll just give it time. Maybe the answer will change. Then I went and cried.

10 years later..."the choice" - ch. 1

2010-04-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

Several of my friends have been recording the stories of how they met/fell in love with their spouse. I didn't think I really had much to say about mine because it was all such a whirlwind but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was really quite involved and my kids might want to read it someday.

You can read it too, if you'd like. I'm an open book. :)

Chapter 1 - "In which I was prepared for the future"

Early 1997 ~ age 17
I was sitting outside the patriarchs home. I was there to receive my patriarchal blessing and my boyfriend was with me. Even then I was fiercely independent and I didn't want anyone present with me when I got my blessing. Not even my parents. I knew it would be recorded and they could read it later.

I left my boyfriend sitting in the car and went inside. I remember it vividly. I can see the one story house, the bushes lining the front of the house, the walk going to the door. I can see the pattern on the door and I remember the smells of an old persons home when the door was opened. I remember her smile and his handshake. I remember my nerves and how the instant he placed his hands on my head, the nerves subsided and I felt peace. I listened intently because I still wasn't sure. How could someone who didn't know me offer me a blessing with counsel to take throughout my mortal life? It was during that blessing, listening to those words, that I realized it was God, not him. The words came from above, from someone who knew me better than I knew myself and they were truth.

But there was a phrase that stood out. A phrase I didn't completely understand. "choose wisely", it said. "Choose wisely" the one who you will pledge your life and eternity to. The one who you will marry in the temple of the Lord. The one who will be by your side for eternity.

"Choose?" I asked myself. What about love? What about time and investment? How could there be a choice? I'd lived my whole life hearing the story of my parents. Fell in love as teenagers, wrote through my dad's mission and were married shortly after his return. Isn't that how it works? You marry the one you put the time and effort into. Right?

I suppose, looking back, I should have known. I liked boys. I was pretty sure I was going to marry pretty much every guy I dated and I didn't really spend much time without a boyfriend. Not only that, most of my closest friends were guys.

I lived in a smallish town without many dating prospects within my religion. I knew I wanted to be married in the temple but seeing as all the LDS guys around me were my friends and nothing more, I figured I'd have to just make sure my boyfriend got baptized first. I always thought I'd marry young and couldn't see very far beyond High School in my mind.

I'd been dating a nice, Catholic boy for my whole senior year. He was a junior and his best friends were my LDS guy friends. With all that exposure I thought for sure he'd join the church and we'd be fine. He even wanted to but his mom wouldn't allow it. He talked all the time about getting baptized at 18, going on a mission at 19 and marrying me after that.

I graduated High School and suddenly, I became stifled. I'm a spontaneous person and I couldn't breathe with all the planning of my future going on. I didn't know what I wanted (I've always been terrible at planning very far in advance) but I knew he wasn't it. Besides, there was this guy I worked with that had his eye on me.

Ahhhh.....Hawaii.

2010-04-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

I just spent a week in Hawaii for my 10th anniversary and it was heaven! My amazing mom took over my 4 hooligans for the week and Dave and I got to chill in Kauai without having to worry about our kids. Before we left Dave filled all my tupperware with water and froze it all and him and the kids made an ice castle. Random, right?

But they had a blast. (this is their "biggest popsicle ever")

The night before we left my older two kids were really clingy and Gabe was being hilarious and goofy. At one point he kissed his dad on the rear and said "Haha, Dad! I kissed your butt! But I love Mom better than you so I'm going to kiss her on the mouth!" and he ran over and gave me a smooch. Silly boy. Hugs, kisses, a few tears and we finally got them all to bed.

But THEN I got to spend a week talking to Dave, experiencing new things and taking pictures of everything I saw. Bliss, I tell you!

So....I do this thing with my kids called "happies and crappies." When I pick them up from school I say that and they tell me their best and worst parts of the day. So I now present to you my Kauai, HI happies and crappies list.

Happies:
*A week with my sweetheart. It was so...quiet...but still so fun. When you have 4 kids you can really appreciate silence. It made it so we heard everything the other said. A bit of a novelty really. And we got a lot of "talk time" in.

*Location. I have this theory that some people are mountain people and some people are ocean people. Mountain people are usually quieter, more patient, more firm (aka stubborn), sometimes lazy but strong enough to take what comes their way. Ocean people are more outgoing, flighty, fun, and energetic but sometimes volatile or moody. I am a mountain person and Dave is an ocean person. Mountain people usually like mountains better and ocean people like oceans. So Hawaii, a mountain popping out of the ocean, is our perfect location. It had everything either of us could want.

*Rain. Gentle, warm rain that came and went pretty much daily leaving it always smelling fresh and yummy and that awesome rain sound.

*Clouds. The skies were a photographers dream. Lots of dramatic clouds with contrast and depth. Loved it.

*Birds. I'm not really a bird watcher or anything, but I appreciate them when I see them and I loved seeing (and hearing!) all these new birds. Dave was especially enamored with the chickens and roosters. I have a lot of pictures and videos of them from his point and shoot. (IMO, they were a novelty for about 5 seconds and then I remembered back to raising chickens and roosters as a teen and I got over it).

*Hiking. Probably my favorite part of the week was a hike to a bay and waterfalls that can only be accessed on foot. It was 8 miles of tough, muddy, rocky, muddy terrain but so, SO worth it. Something I wouldn't have been able to take my kids on.

*Church. If you're LDS in the western US you know that basically all the buildings are identical. So it was really fun to go to church in a building that was white with teal columns wrapped with flowers and sit in a chapel that was like a green house. It had 7 sets of glass doors that they closed when it started but then the power went out during the youth speaker so they opened all the doors and there was a gentle breeze flowing through and it was very quiet so we could hear the speakers. Perfect environment for a spirit filled meeting!

*The food. We ate the most delicious deep fried artichokes and fish (sword fish) and chips and a macadamia nut shake and lobster omlettes and light, flaky sweet bread pastries and a full on luau with all the trimmings. mmmmm.....

*Reading. I read 4 books that week.

*Taking pictures. We stopped everywhere so I could take pictures. Dave was a good sport about it. There was only one quip about me loving my camera more than him. ;)

*Flowers. So many beautiful flowers that I'd never seen before.

*Random weirdness. This makes me happy anywhere I go, not just Hawaii. But every now and then we'd come across something that was just deliciously odd.

*Just...being. Not having to worry about the kids or life or anything. It's been a long time since I've felt that sensation.

*A moment when a small prayer was answered. We drove up to a lookout point that was over 4000 feet above sea level on these terrible winding roads. We had spoken to someone at our condo the night before who called it the most beautiful place on earth. We were really bummed to get up there and find out we were above the clouds and our view was this.

So Dave said a quick prayer and guess what happened? Just in the spot where valley below us hit the ocean, the fog parted.

It was gone just long enough to get a few shots off and it came creeping back in. God cares.

Crappies:
*The flights. Normally I don't mind flying, but one was overnight which made for a very uncomfortable attempt to sleep. Next time I'll pay extra for a non-stop ticket.
Pretty view though. :)

*Snorkeling. Turns out snorkeling is not my thing. I learned that I only like fish if they're on a hook, on my plate or in a tank. I do not like them swimming by my face. In fact, I'm grossed out and slightly frightened by them. However...I bought an underwater disposable film camera so my practical side had to use up the film underwater. That night I came down with a painful case of swimmers ear. Dave made a midnight trip to the grocery store for rubbing alcohol and vinegar. Stuck it in my ear a couple times and the pain eased up and went away.

*The food. I know this was already in the happies list but we didn't eat awesome food all week. When we weren't eating delicious, expensive food, we were eating at the taco bell across the street from our condo. The first couple times were fine but then I was over it. I may never eat taco bell again.

*Money. We stayed on budget and didn't go into any debt. Dave Ramsey would be proud. Even I was proud and I had a wonderful time regardless. But....there are several things I would have loved to do that we couldn't afford.

*My motion sickness. We drove up to this fantastic canyon that would have been even better if I wasn't nauseous from the roads. That's one gene I could do without.
But again...view was worth it.

And now we're home. Refreshed, happy, content and ready to attack life again.

If you want to see all my pictures go to this gallery! For cell phone, point and shoot and underwater pics, head over to my facebook profile. :)

ALOHA!

Caterpillar love

2010-04-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

"MOM, MOM! You're never going to believe this! A caterpillar ate a hole in this leaf!!!"

"I better put it back in case he wants to eat more..."

I love it when my kids discover things.

Easter

2010-04-07T01:28:00.000-07:00

This year we combined our Easter celebration with April's birthday party. So, she came up to visit with her family and we all went to Rachel's for our traditional egg gravy and easter egg hunt. I do better with pictures than words, so I'll just start those now. :)

Toast and egg gravy. Yum! I at leftover for a couple days. Looking forward to having it again next year. :)

Various egg hunt shots.

The little girls would not get together for a picture. I just happened to notice them walking together to get this one. Yay!

My brothers-in-law with their new babies.

I think Gabe actually took this shot. What luck, eh? I love it!! (that's April giving Nathan a kiss while he ignores her)

It was a great day! Especially considering the day before was horrible weather and seriously cranky kids. Easter was a treat with the sunshine and the happier kids.

Oh, there are no pics of my kids with their Easter baskets because they got up at 3 AM to open them. I just remember shuffling out of bed and telling them to zip it or they'd wake the baby and to go back to sleep.

Finally, something that works

2010-03-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

If you know me, you know my brain doesn't work in an organized fashion. I enjoy the concept of organization and I'm capable of maintaining simple organization...but ask me to make a daily plan or stick to a routine or come up with a organizational system and I'm at a loss.

So, you can imagine, chore charts have not been a part of my children's lives. I've tried many, many different charts. Written charts, sticker charts, magnetic charts, moving a paper from one side to another, computerized charts...nothing has stuck.

But then one of my MOFs mentioned an idea that I thought was brilliant. She makes "media bucks" for her kids. They earn a media buck for exercising and something else that I don't remember. Each buck was worth 30 mins of computer/TV/video game time. So I thought "I can do that" and talked to Dave about it and he created some physical media bucks and we started it.

Turns out...keeping track of those little paper dollars and who had how many and how to earn them was outside the realms of my organizational abilities.

So then Dave took over and revamped it in such a way that I'm capable of keeping it up. All I have to do is go to the webpage he made and add the amount they earn. If they want to use one, I click use. If they lose any for bad behavior, I click minus. They also have the option of trading them in for money or prizes which cuts down on their media time.

The best part is when I want extra chores done I can just offer X media bucks and I have eager kids ready for chores! It's amazing! And I've actually kept it going for a while now. I'm kinda amazed at myself. :) Not to mention, I'm sitting here blogging while one kid cleans the kitchen, another is folding laundry and a third is cleaning the playroom. Yay for cheap labor!

Clara and the binky...

2010-03-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

Despite my attempts to force a binky on all of my children at one point or another, not a single one of them has succumbed. They all made it through their infant and toddler years without any sort of binky dependence.

Until now.

Clara has been the baby for a couple years. Not just the baby of our family, but the baby of the extended families on both sides. Apparently, she was aware of this fact and quite liked it.

About 6 months ago my brother had a baby. They live in a different town than us so Clara didn't have much interaction with her new cousin. But when my sister had a baby a few weeks ago and we went to visit, Clara realized there were TWO new babies and she was a little perturbed.

At one point she gave Ethan his first bonk on the head by a kid bigger than him, then later after he had played in his exersaucer for a while, Clara wanted in. So I went ahead and put her in and she flopped down in it and said "I'M THE BABY!"

I laughed at her and life went on.

Then I weaned her which she was a total champ about. I told her, her 'nurns' (that's how she said nurse) were all gone and she was like "oh...ok" and never nursed again. Easy. Painful for me...but easy.

So we've been watching my other sisters daughter and my friends kids on a fairly regular basis and Clara sees that her best friends have binkies. She apparently processed this for a while and one day refuses to go sleep without her binky. The top of an old bottle that I cut to make it easier for her to drink smoothies out of.

(side note...took this pic with my fun new hisptamatic iphone app)

THEN...she came across her old binky that has been floating around her room for the last year. It was more of a toy than anything else but she knew what it was and was like "MY BINKY!" That night I let her use that one instead of the bottle and apparently she liked it better. She now refuses to lay down without her "rabbit binky" (I think that means 'regular binky') and I officially have a 2 yr old that thinks she needs a binky. Right at the time that, had she taken a binky as an infant, I'd be trying to take it away. Yippee.

St Patty's Day

2010-03-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

This is currently taped to my front door.

One of my kids is terrified of leprechauns. And usually on St. Patty's Day, the leprechauns come and play jokes/pranks around the house, trailing chocolate gold coins as they go. But they've been banned tomorrow.

I wonder if they'll leave in a huff or be nice and leave some chocolate coins on the front porch?

Karma?

2010-03-08T15:56:00.000-08:00

I started a blog about happiness today. It was about having a positive attitude and putting a positive spin on anything. It was sounding too preachy so I ditched it. I continued to think about it though.

Then I was putting away my groceries and I opened my garage door to go to the pantry. I took a step out and landed on a wire paint roller on the top step which spun out from under me and tossed me mercilessly to the cement floor. I grumbled, thought some naughty words and limped over to the pantry. I opened it and a container of oats fell out, hit me on the head and spilled all over.

That's when I decided to forego my sunshine and bubbles post for this one. If nothing else you can amuse yourself with the image. It was straight out of a physical comedy script, I'm sure.

Observations by Gabe

2010-03-05T12:40:00.001-08:00

"Mom, did you know everything is made in China? Except maybe bean bags."

"Mom, did you know all red boxes are stuffed full of DVD's? I wish I had a red box."

And some answers to some questions my cousin asked him for her child development class...

1) Where do the stars go during the day?

Maybe in a house. Maybe somebody bought a house for the stars to go in. They stay in there until tomorrow.

2) Why is the sky blue when it's sunny outside?

His first answer was "just because" but I pressed him for more specifics and he said this... Maybe after night time and the stars go in their house and somebody closes the door so it's very sunny out. Maybe that's the thing. Oh! Maybe first the stars color the sun and the sky and the clouds before they go in their house. Maybe.

3) Where does dirt come from and what makes it?

Well if it's still the first day then the stars just color it too. Oh and worms just crawl around in the dirt.

------------------------------------------------

PS...this was my 500th blog post. I hereby repent of my blogging absence and will return forthwith.

An amazing night

2010-01-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

I need to record this and I doubt I can do it justice but I'm going to try anyway.

This weekend was stake conference. To start with, I think I live in the best ward which is in the best stake with the best stake president. I've never felt so included and loved and acknowledged as I do here. (I'll be coming back to that acknowledgement thing later).

So last night was the adult session of stake conference. I don't normally go to that. I'd only been to that session once before. I wasn't really planning on going but then I found out my good friend would be speaking so I asked Rachel to come over and watch the kids so we could be there.

I'm so glad I did.

The theme was "one by one." Or how has the hand of the Lord been present in your life in an individual way?

It began with a member of the stake presidency speaking of a recent talk by Elder Eyring where Elder Eyring spoke of being led by the spirit to write down the instances EACH DAY where he felt the hand of the Lord in his life. Small but significant moments that we all have but often don't recognize if we're not paying attention.

The next 4 speakers were members of the stake. All of whom struggled in some way with some major trials. One was a new member who overcame a gambling addiction, one was a young mother whose husband is currently on assignment in Afghanistan, one was a man who lost several people close to him to death and one was a woman who spent a couple years in prison because she caused a fatal car accident. All of them spoke of the way the Lord carried them and taught them and helped them or is helping them through these trials. Not only that, the way they were blessed because of these experiences.

I can't begin to describe the way the spirit filled the room as these people shared their testimonies of the Lord's love for them, personally. Their was no question in my mind that they all understood what Nephi meant when he said that although he doesn't know the meaning of all things, he knows that God loves his children.

So then the stake president stood up and read 3 Ne. 11: 15 "And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come."

He focused on the phrase "one by one." He asked us why it was important for each individual person to feel and see the prints of the nails in the Saviors body. Then he asked us for examples of how we have come to know the Savior individually. How has He manifested Himself unto us? How have we felt his wounds? He then had a couple guys stand up with microphones and opened the meeting to discussion.

The presence of the spirit only magnified from there as my brothers and sisters in the gospel shared the times in their lives that the Savior has carried them. The times they've come to know him and understand the atonement for themselves. The stories they shared were often tragic but laced with hope for the eternal blessings of the temple. Some were outright miracles and some were instances of the still, small, voice at work in our daily life and daily blessings.

I was left pondering my own life and thinking about when it was that I came to know the Savior and appreciate his atonement. It's still at the forefront of my mind as I attempt to put all the feelings and thoughts together cohesively. So far this is what I've come up with.

1. There's so much power in just recognizing the hand of the Lord. I've vowed to recognize and record those instances going forward.

2. I had (and have) an overwhelming love for my friends/brothers/sisters/leaders both in attendance at stake conference and those who weren't. A desire to acknowledge them (told you I'd come back to it) because all anybody needs is to be loved, noticed, acknowledged, understood and validated.

3. I got to thinking about when it was that I felt the Savior's wounds and the atonement became real to me. There was a moment, over 5 years ago now, when I miscarried a baby that I realized the Savior bled for me and all of us and I suddenly knew that He knew what it felt like to bleed for a child and then lose that child. Yet I felt comforted to know that because He did that we are able to have the fullness of the gospel and I wasn't losing my baby forever.

Finally, I'm just so full of gratitude and aware of how blessed I truly am. I hope I can hold onto this feeling indefinitely.

No time to blog...

2010-01-15T13:42:00.000-08:00

Sorry about that! I'm going to try to be better. I still need to go back and do some big ones from last year. Good thing blogger has that thing where you can back date entries. lol. But in the meantime. Just had to record this one for posterity...

We just got home from kindermusik and Gabe was sitting in his carseat with a glazed look on his face, looking straight ahead with his mouth open in an 'o'. I stared at him for a while with no response. I spoke to him with no response. I tapped his leg and asked what he was doing and he suddenly starts giggling and says "oh, I was pretending to be a sticker." I'm thinking it's a good thing I signed him up for classes at the local theater.

Check out the contest on my photography blog!

2009-12-31T20:47:00.001-08:00

Bad news...for some reason the comments disappeared and I need everyone to comment again if you want to be entered. This time I'll save them on my computer as they come in. ugh.

You might be in it! And even if you're not you could win a free shoot!

http://mistyalger.com/blog/comments.php?y=09&m=12&entry=entry091231-214718

Nathan wrote Santa a motivational note.

2009-12-23T11:45:00.000-08:00

This years Christmas Letter/card

2009-12-17T12:04:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling pretty on top of things this year. Got my cards and letters mailed out already. For those of you that didn't heed the call for addresses, you get to see it here.

December 14, 2009
Dear Everybody,

I'm not sure how I got stuck with this job. Something about me being the youngest and having no responsibilities... I don't know what they're talking about. I'm super busy! I have to learn all sorts of important things. Like why is everyone so excited about that fat guy in the red suit? I get that he says ho-ho-ho. Everyone gets excited when I say it too. But why do they want me to sit on his lap?! The candy canes are nice but I'm not letting him hold me. No way. Besides, it's not like they just hand me to other strangers, what's so special about this one? I have other things to learn too. Talking in sentences, jumping, shapes, colors, sounds...I think I'm busier than the rest of my family put together. I am the only one that gets so exhausted that I need a nap every day. Oh, and don't forget I have to keep practicing the things I learn, too. I sing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star 500 times a day. My mom loves it. She also loves my favorite game. It's kinda like hide and seek, except I hide things and then Mom has to find them. My favorite place to hide things is in the trash can. It's so funny when she looks in there. But I know she loves it 'cause she tells me. She takes a big deep breath and says "oh, Clara, I love this game."

Anyway, Mom says I have to talk about everybody in this thing so here goes...

Daddy leaves every day. He gives me a big hug and I say bye bye and he says he wishes he could stay with me but he has to go to work. It's my favorite when he comes home. I hear the garage door open and run to the door to wait for him.

Mama stays home with me. Most days I take pretty good care of mom while dad is at work. Sometimes she takes me to my friends house so that she can help at Nathan and Aria's school. Mama takes *lots* of pictures, too. I'm her very best model. When people come over for pictures I hurry over and pose in front of the camera to show them how it's done.

My big brother Nathan turned 8 and got baptized this year. He goes to school a lot, even to an extra school once a week where he learns about knights and castles and how to say things in Latin and count using Roman numerals. He's in third grade. When he's not at school or doing homework, he's at karate. His belt is green. I like to watch him do nun-chucks.

I went on a date with my mom and my big sister, Aria, today. It's almost her birthday and she'll be 7. I have the best big sister, she plays with me, reads me stories and draws pictures for me. She goes to school too. First grade. She played soccer this year. I went to a lot of games. They were cold.

My brother Gabe is my best friend. He plays with me all day while Nathan and Aria are at school. He's so funny and he has good ideas of things to do. Mom doesn't always think they're good ideas, though. He's 4, he reads stories to me and our favorite show is Yo Gabba Gabba. He also played soccer this year.

Love, Clara (age 1)

PS...MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! WE LOVE YOU!

Christmas has begun!

2009-12-05T23:51:00.001-08:00

We went out in the cold today to cut down a tree and visit Santa. I've been really looking forward to doing this and it was so fun! On the way out we even saw a huge herd of ~~elk~~ reindeer out in a wheat field. The kids were looking for Rudolph.

We got to the tree farm and began our search. Nathan and Aria both wanted to hold the saw. Nathan got it first.

The kids loved all the teensy little trees.

Aria is so pretty.

Looking, looking...

Gabe liked this one because it had so much room for presents underneath.

The kids all took turns cutting.

Dave hauled it back for us. Aria took her turn carrying the saw.

They put all the trees on this machine that shakes them down and gets all the dead needles/debris out of the trees. This is the pile of nests that had fallen out.

Then it was off to Santa. Clara was not impressed.

We ran into Rachel, Sean and Mae at Harvest House so they came back with us to see Santa again. (they had been leaving when we got there.) Mae did good with her first visit to Santa but the second one with my kids wasn't quite so good. As we were leaving she said "I cried with Clara."

Then it was home to decorate. I love how it fills the whole bay window. This is my favorite tree so far. Except maybe for the Charlie Brown tree we had our first year of marriage.

Clara spent the whole time yanking the ornaments off the tree.

But when it was all said and done she was amazed.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-02T09:40:00.000-08:00

I was just reviewing Nathan's homework

2009-11-30T19:20:00.001-08:00

It's a sheet about silent letters. At the end it says

"I need to be careful when I write words with silent letters because..."

His answer was

"I migt forget silent letters. P.S. Did you notice I missed a silent letter? (turn over for answer.)" and the back says...

"Answer: migt should be might."

I love my kid.

Gratitude again

2009-11-12T19:55:00.000-08:00

Last year I was doing a month of Gratitude in November. I think it lasted 5 days or something. I've been doing it on Facebook though this year and figured I might as well put them here too. So...so far.

1. I'm grateful for the sun coming through my bedroom window and warming up a spot on my bed on a cold day so Clara and I can snuggle in the warm spot and she can giggle at the dust particles in the sun.

2. Today I'm grateful that my kids' great Uncle made an extensive family history database online for their Alger ancestory. Made it really easy for Nathan to find out exactly how he's related to John Hancock and King Edward IV for his Ancestor homework.

3. is thankful for both my Grandpa's, Dave's dad and all the other men and women that have served out country. I always think of the Title of Liberty... "In memory of our God, our religion, our freedom, and our peace, our wives and our children"

4. today I'm grateful for sun flare. (photography thing). Sun flare makes me happy.

5. is grateful for music. Specifically, my mom for making me stick with the piano, jazz band and jazz combo which taught me about improv, Mr. Simon, my history of American Music teacher in college, my cousin, Brian, for giving me my first Harry Connick Jr CD and all my bishops who've kept me in music callings at church for the last 12 yrs so I'll keep practicing and don't let it get swept aside in the busyness of life. Also, Michael Buble, Harry Connick Jr, George Gershwin, Louis Armstrong, Chris Botti and so many other great musicians whose music soothes my soul.

And this wasn't a gratitude update, but it made me laugh and I want it recorded for posterity. lol. This was yesterday morning, I was in bed...

Clara just came in my room, yelled hot dog! and threw a package of hotdogs at my head. I think maybe she's hungry.

A time of change!

2009-11-05T11:28:00.000-08:00

For the last several years I've used this blog as both my personal blog and my business blog. It's time to separate them, though. I've been making some business changes. New name, new logo, new website and...new blog. The website isn't up yet but the blog is and I wanted to announce it over here so the people that come here will know where to go for pictures and specials and such.

I am offering a special for November and December. My biggest package + a Christmas Card for half off. So only $250 and you get all the pictures from your shoot. You can see the details here.

And my Christmas Cards that I'm offering for this year can be found here. There are a lot of fun ones and I'm especially excited about them because I designed all of these myself. :)

I'll post again when my new website is up.

Meet Goofy Gus

2009-10-30T23:48:00.000-07:00

He was grown in my Mom's garden.

He's ginormous.

My kids gutted him and Dave carved him and they popped the pieces out.

Clara did a lot of this...

We call him Goofy Gus.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween treats!

2009-10-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

Gabe and I had some fun today. We've gotten goodies from the "Family Night Phantom" every monday this month and I wanted to do something fun when we went out to ding dong ditch people. So I thought to myself...who better than the queen of goodies? And I went to Bakerella's blog to find out how to make Cake Pops!

It was so fun that I think I'm going to do another batch for teachers and such on Thursday or Friday.

Scary ghosties. (I love the little guy in the upper left that's looking the wrong way). My edible pens that I bought did NOT work. Luckily I had some black gel frosting hanging around. It only worked for the ghosts though. The poor pumpkins had to be faceless.

I had Gabe dip apple bites into the leftover melted candy. (this whole project took several trips to several stores. I'm severely lacking in kitchen stuff...mostly because I rarely do things like this)

Happy kiddos!

Finished product. Got the little glass "bags" at the dollar tree.

These boots are made for walking!

2009-10-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

Miss Clara got new boots and she loves them. It's just the cutest thing!

They totally helped her language skillz too. She was calling them "shwshwsh" (that's how she said shoes) for a while and then she went to "oosh" and now says "BOOTS" very clearly. lol.

I just adore that girl. Oh, she's in nursery now and a total star. No tears and she totally holds her own against the rougher kids.

no color. no fun.

2009-10-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

We're having super schizo weather this fall and it's no fun for a photographer.

In case you were wondering.

It's bouncing between freezing and quite warm and it's freaking the trees out apparently. I have a weeping cherry outside the window by my favorite reading chair. In the spring it's pretty with pink flowers and in the fall it's pretty with yellow leaves. Except not this fall. This fall the green leaves are just shriveling up into icky brown and blackness and dying WITHOUT CHANGING COLOR.

I keep doing all these shoots and all the pretty fall colors are not there.

And I don't like it. Not one bit.

The naughty word discussion

2009-10-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

*disclaimer* There will be mild swearing in this post.

The other day Aria was rhyming in a sing song voice. "mitchin, litchin, ditchin, bitchin, mitchen, litchin, ditchin, bitchin." So, I mentioned to her that bitch is not a nice word and people use it to be mean to other people and she probably shouldn't say it.

Fast forward to today. Nathan said "Mom, what does faggot mean?" Dave said it means a bundle of sticks and I said that sometimes people take normal words and twist the meaning so it becomes a bad word and that faggot is a mean name to call people.

I told him it was just like when Aria said bitch and that it actually means a female dog, but that people use it in a mean way now. Which then ensued this discussion between Nathan and Aria and I dissolved into laughter.

Aria: But I didn't say bitch, I said ditch!
Nathan: Nuh-uh, it sounded like you said bitch.
Aria: No Nathan, I didn't say bitch!

I could see this going on indefinitely, with bitch being said in every sentence out of my sweet kids mouths, so I stopped them at this point. Then I laughed.

Hehwo, hehwo!

2009-10-07T11:01:00.000-07:00

Clara goes to primary with me every week because she's not old enough for nursery. She wonders around during sharing/singing time then comes to class with me. Apparently she picked up on the "Hello song" that we sing to visitors. One day she came home and put shoes on her hands and had them "singing" to each other. "hehwo, hehwo! Hehwo, hehwo!" She'll wonder around the house singing it randomly.

So I've been trying to catch it on video but she's a little stinker and when I point my phone at her she says "NO!"

But with Gabe's help I got a little in this one. Along with a couple "no's"

More soccer

2009-10-05T11:14:00.001-07:00

My saturdays consist of soccer games these days so that's what you get. I took my camera this last saturday because it was picture day and I refuse to buy team pictures. I just stand behind the photographer and take my own.

So I figured I should try and get good game shots while I was at it. Aria's game was first and it was COLD. 41 degrees and windy.

Gabe dealt with it like this.

Clara was cold but wouldn't keep a blanket on, so I tied my coat around her stroller which really ticked her off. I let her scream because I'd rather she be warm and mad at me than cold and happily independent.

It was a good game to bring my camera because Aria made an awesome goal and I got it!

Dribbling down the field

About to kick.

She shoots!

She scores!

And she scans the sidelines to make sure I saw. lol

It was a teensy bit warmer, but windier by the time the boys games started.

I love that his tongue is always hanging out. Luckily he hasn't bitten through it too often...

I shot a bunch of pictures of Nathan's game and when I got home to look at them I just started laughing. Note the eyes that are squeezed shut and the cringing away from the ball.

I love when he looks intense, because that's not a common expression for him. He's normally laid back and content like me. lol

He got to play goalie which he loved. I remember that was my favorite soccer position too. He worked it!

You can't help but laugh when you're hanging out with Gabe

2009-09-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

I picked him up from my friend's house after volunteering at school today and he ran out to the car ahead of me. When I got there he shouted "Mom, I can make a Y!" I looked up and saw this.

Somehow I became a soccer mom

2009-09-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

I hated soccer as a kid. I hated soccer as a teen. I all around just don't enjoy anything about the sport. But somehow...I have 3 kids playing soccer this year. (for the record...still not a fan)

Nathan

Aria

and Gabe

Nathan and Aria's teams are at the age where the kids are trying and have a fairly decent grasp of the rules. Aria even made her first ever goal on Saturday!

Gabe's team though is 3 on 3, no goalie, kick the ball around and try to make a goal for the right team. It's pretty cute. And Gabe is a star. We got a few strings pulled to get him on the 4 yr old team even though he won't be four til next month and he's rocking it.

Except for the whole understanding how the game works thing.

We (and the coach) spent most of the game yelling at him to kick the ball the other way. lol. He'll catch on eventually.

Here he is while the coach is explaining how soccer works. See how he's paying such close attention?

And here's a video. You can watch him make a goal for the wrong side. :D

It's a blanket....with sleeves!

2009-09-21T14:49:00.001-07:00

We're big fans of The Big Bang Theory. On the season finale Penny gave Leonard a blanket with sleeves to take to the North Pole with him and when Sheldon saw it he said "How clever!"

Dave and I both make jokes from one liners from that show all the time so in honor of tonights season premier...guess what Dave got me?

By the way, apparently I'm behind the times because a friend came over and was like "Oh, you got a snuggie!" I had no idea this was an infomercial item that everybody knew about. I'd only ever seen it on TBBT. lol

photography book recommendation

2009-09-16T09:11:00.000-07:00

I like to keep my eye out for books that the average person who just wants to take good pictures of their family can benefit from. I always recommend Understanding Exposure by Bryan Peterson but it's more for the person who has a SLR camera and wants to learn to use it.

But today I want to recommend a book for anybody. It will give you an in depth look at 3 easy points that will greatly improve your pictures.

1. Get closer
2. Shoot more frames
3. Turn off your flash

It's called How to Photograph Your Family by Nick Kelsh. It's older and he talks about film, but those tips are exactly the same for digital photography. He has lots of great before/after shots and simple explanations. Many of the pictures in his book were taken by just regular people with a point and shoot.

Tender mercies

2009-09-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention this below, but there were some tender mercies besides my blog that I discovered after my hard drive broke.

1. I run all my photos through lightroom before transferring them to my hard drive. Lightroom automatically saves the raw files on my c drive. I had cleaned my c drive off back in June, but I still had all my pictures from Nathan's baptism forward. Including a few shoots that I had finished proofing but hadn't burned to disk yet. Luckily I had their raw files (one was a wedding!) and was able to just re-photoshop them instead of having to tell them I lost their pictures. That makes me shudder just thinking about it.

2. Our kitchen faucet is on it's last leg and has been for a while. It randomly loses all pressure on the hot water. It had been acting up for a week or so and we thought we'd have to finally bite the bullet and replace the faucet. (they're expensive!) After the hard drive broke it started working again and has been since.

3. Facebook and blogger. The pictures I uploaded there and here are still there. Granted I can't make big prints of them because they're compressed files, but I can do 4x6 prints or photo books without any trouble.

Too sad to blog...but also grateful for my blog

2009-09-15T07:37:00.001-07:00

Wow, I haven't blogged in a while. I think this is the longest for me. I have a reason though.

A couple weeks ago Clara knocked my external hard drive off my desk and broke it. My 750 gig external hard drive that held 8 years of pictures, videos, journaling and files. I did back it up on occasion, but the last backup was 3 years ago. Coincidentally, my blog is 3 years old, meaning what remains of my memories of the last 3 years is preserved right here on my blog.

The data isn't gone forever, but it is inaccessible without a clean room. And sending a hard drive to a clean room costs around $3000. (I called several places, they all gave the same quote).

Aaaand...it's gonna take a while to save that. (we don't believe in credit cards)

So, I was sad. And left with no inspiration to blog. Which, really, is totally the wrong reaction when you consider how glad I am that I have this blog. It now holds priceless memories.

But, I was called out on Facebook for giving my cousin Katie withdrawls because of my blogging absence. I was adequately chastened and I'm back.

So...hi! Didja miss me?

This is why I always do afternoon kindergarten...

2009-08-27T10:26:00.000-07:00

I'm not a morning person. If it were up to me, I'd roll out of bed around 9 and loll around for a couple hours and really start my day around 11. In fact, when my kids were smaller I had them trained to sleep in to 9 or 10 themselves. It was awesome. When Nathan started Kindergarten, I knew myself and put him in afternoon K. It was great. I was dreading first grade when school would begin at 9. He was late a lot that year. It probably didn't help that I was pregnant with Clara and sick the whole year. When Aria began K, I knew it would be better to only have 1 kid to get ready in the morning and she could wait til noon. I was right, it was perfect. We even managed to get Nathan to school on time for his second grade year.

But, alas, times have changed.

I now have a first grader and a third grader. That's two kids that have to be to school by 9 AM every day. That means two kids to feed, make lunches for and find socks for (we can never find socks around here). Two backpacks to load, two library books to keep track of, etc, etc. I know you'll tell me to get things ready the night before, but I'm not so good at that. It's in my DNA. I'm incapable of organization.

Most morning, it's not so bad, at the very least I can get backpacks ready the night before. And since I usually just throw on sunglasses and drop them off, I don't have to get ready for the day myself.

But today I wanted to go in with them which meant I had to shower. I didn't get much sleep because Gabe has a cold and when he coughs, he throws up. So I barely dragged myself out of bed at 8 thinking Nathan and Aria would be up at least. But they weren't. So I get them up and ended up having about 40 minutes to make breakfast, make lunch, find socks, get myself ready, etc. We got in the car at 8:55, hurried to school and barely made it. In all the rush I didn't even get my camera out for first day of school pictures. Luckily, I had my phone with me.

So that's all ya get.

Tomorrow will be smoother. It will.

Better School Picture Day - Seattle Style!

2009-08-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

I've had some requests and as it turns out, I will be in Seattle on September 12th. So....

The Better School Picture Day
Saturday, September 12th, 2009
1:30pm - 3:30pm at Coulon Beach
$35 per child. (it's a bit more to cover shipping, if you have more than one child, it's $35 for the first and $25 for any other kids) I spend 5-10 minutes with each of your children. Just long enough to get 3-5 great shots of them. Your pictures will be fully edited and presented in an online gallery. The $25 pays for the sitting and THREE fully edited full-resolution files on a Data CD with rights to print.

BY APPOINTMENT ONLY.

Email me at mistydawnphotos@gmail.com to set up a time!

Better School Picture Day!

2009-08-20T21:57:00.001-07:00

Do you hate school pictures as much as I do? I never get them. Usually I just take my kids out right before school starts for the year and get pictures of them. I can print them myself for pennies instead of paying ridiculous prices for the school picture guy to take a generic head shot. I know some people get them just so they have a picture record of how their kids are growing.

Well, I have an alternative for you. Why not have that same record, only more creative and cheaper? This year I'm offering a better school picture day. For only $25 per child I will meet you at Manito and will spend 5-10 minutes with your child, taking several pictures so that you will end up with 3 great images that I will burn to a data CD for you. You can then make all the prints you want! So, the info...

The Better School Picture Day
Saturday, September 19th, 09 AND Tuesday, September 22nd, 09
5:30pm - 7:30pm at the rose gardens at Manito Park.
$25 per child. I spend 5-10 minutes with each of your children. Just long enough to get 3-5 great shots of them. Your pictures will be fully edited and presented in an online gallery. The $25 pays for the sitting and THREE fully edited full-resolution files on a Data CD with rights to print.

BY APPOINTMENT ONLY.

There may be a morning session, but it depends on my kids' soccer schedules. lol. Email me at mistydawnphotos@gmail.com or call ASAP to set your appt time. Oh, and tell your friends!

Here are some examples of what you'll get.

My talk

2009-08-09T16:30:00.000-07:00

You don't have to read this. I just like to keep copies of my talks and this is my journal. :)

Throughout this year we've been hearing talks centered around the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet. Each of us has been reminded of our standards concerning accountability, gratitude, education, family, friends, dress and appearance, entertainment and the media, music and dancing, language, dating, sexual purity, repentance, honesty, sabbath day observance, tithes and offerings, physical health and service. Today I was asked to speak on the conclusion of the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet which is to go forward with faith.

I read what the pamphlet had to say about going forward with faith and I broke it down into a few key points. First it says to ask ourselves, "Am I living the way the Lord wants me to live?" Then it tells us what to do to be sure that we are.

But before I go through those, I want to talk about faith a little bit. Because how can we go forward with faith if we can't define faith? Some people view faith as an abstract concept. Something that is hard to come by, something that people either have or don't have. I don't think that's true. I think faith is something everybody can have. In 2nd Nephi 31, Nephi tells us that we must endure to the end. To be able to endure he says we need to follow Christ's example. Then he tells us exactly what he saw Christ do that we must emulate. In verse 17, "For the gate by which ye should enter is repentance and baptism by water; and then cometh a remission of your sins by fire and by the Holy Ghost." So step 1 to realizing our faith is to repent, be baptised and accept the gift of the Holy Ghost. Most of us here can check this off the list, right? Then Nephi tells us that doing those things puts us right on the straight and narrow path. Pretty simple, right? It's like the gateway to the straight and narrow. We all started there. Then he says wait a second, are we done? Nope. We wouldn't have even gotten that far without a little something called faith. Faith in Christ. Faith in His word and "relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save."

So we started with obedience and hope, which leads us right into faith. But then verse 20 says "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." I like the phrase 'a perfect brightness of hope'. I think it's a beautiful description of faith. I think hope is easier to wrap our brain around. We all hope for things, right? Well, if we have hope, we have faith. Moroni said "Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope."

But then we must endure to the end. The simple definition of endurance to me is to just continue to keep the commandments. We started there, if we want our faith to grow, we should keep it up. D&C 136:42 tells us to be diligent in keeping the Lord's commandments so our faith doesn't fail. Henry B. Eyering reminds us that "great faith has a short shelf life." He says we must continue to exercise obedience to build our faith. Elder Uchtdorf said "Enduring to the end is a process filling every minute of our life, every hour, every day, from sunrise to sunrise. It is accomplished through personal discipline following the commandments of God."

Now let's go back to the question posed in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet. "Am I living the way the Lord wants me to live?" It tells us exactly how we can live in order to answer yes to that question. First, we need to pray. "To help you become all that the Lord wants you to become, get on your knees each day and express to Him the desires of your heart. He is the source of all wisdom, and you need His help. he will hear and answer you."

Second, we must read the scriptures daily. "They are a powerful source of personal revelation and a constant strength to your testimony." I know for myself, daily scripture study has more impact on my every day life than almost anything else I can do. When I take the time to read my scriptures everything else is easier to deal with. I'm more patient with my kids, I have more energy to take care of my responsibilities and I'm just happier in general.

Third, we must remember our baptismal covenants and be true to the Lord and to His Church in all circumstances. We're reminded that the authorities of the church will lead us in paths of happiness. That reminds me of 1 Nephi 11:17 when Nephi says that while he doesn't know the meaning of all things, he does know that the Lord loves us, His children.

Finally we must be humble and willing to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit. We need to place the wisdom of the Lord above our own wisdom.

Then we're given a promise that if we do these things the Lord will make much more out of our life that we can by ourself. He will increase our opportunities, expand our vision and strengthen us. He will give us the help we need to meet our trials and challenges. We will find true joy as we come to know our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, and feel their love for us.

I know sometimes that's easier said than done, but I have a couple personal stories that illustrate how perfectly this formula can work if we'll let it.

I'm the sort of person that follows my feelings more than any sort of logic. Some of you know this story but it's a perfect example so you get to hear it again. 10 years ago I was working as a traveling photographer. I had just received my endowments and I was doing all those things I just mentioned. I was praying daily, reading my scriptures daily and attending the temple weekly. I was very much enjoying traveling all over the western United States and getting paid to take pictures. I met a lot of great people and saw a lot of cool things. But there was one little thing that was nagging at me and that was church service. Because I was rarely in the same city two weeks in a row, I couldn't hold a calling. I attended church wherever I was but I couldn't serve in the church. Every time I opened my scriptures I would see verses about service. I was starting to get really antsy and feeling like I needed to stop traveling and hold still long enough to hold a calling but I couldn't do that unless I quit my job. It didn't seem logical to quit. I was making really good money doing something I loved, but I knew what the Lord wanted me to do, so I put in my notice. As soon as I did that I was flooded with calm. I knew it was right. The day after my final shoot for this company, I went to the First Presidency Christmas broadcast at my stake center. While I was there I ran into the institute choir director and he asked if I would accept a calling to be the pianist for the institute choir. I knew this was why I had quit my job so I of course said yes. 4 days later I went to choir practice and that's where I first met Dave.

So, I went forward with faith by quitting my job. I increased my obedience by accepting a calling which increased my faith enough for me to take another big leap of faith. Only 7 weeks after that day that I met Dave, we were married in the Seattle Temple. Now if that wasn't placing the Lord's wisdom above my own, I don't know what is. Nearly 10 years and 4 kids later, I have a much better view of where the Lord was leading me then and I'm so glad I had the faith to go forward.

Another time that we felt led to do something that didn't make a whole lot of sense was when we moved here. Dave had a great job in Seattle, but we really felt like we were supposed to be elsewhere. We came up with a few cities to consider and Dave started looking for a job. He got an interview here so we came over but as soon as we got here the company told him that they had hired someone else so they didn't want him to come in for the interview after all. But since we were here, we figured we'd do a little house hunting. We ended up finding our house and knowing that it was the right place for us to go, but Dave didn't have a job here. He didn't even have a prospect for a job. But we took that leap of faith again and made an offer on our house. It was accepted and it wasn't until a week or so later that he got an interview for the job he currently has. Again, the Lord had a plan and we just had to go with it until we could see it all.

It's not always marriage and homes that our faith will guide us to. It also says in that promise that if we have faith the Lord will strengthen us and give us the help we need to meet our trials and challenges. That's not always so fun, but it's amazingly comforting to know the Lord is on our side. There was a time when I was prompted that something was going to happen to one of my kids. I didn't know what but I knew I wasn't going to like it and I knew that the prompting wasn't concerning either of the children that I currently had. This feeling stuck with me for over a year and I just did my best to go forward with faith and hope the Lord would help me. It wasn't until I miscarried a little girl that the feeling left. It took quite a while to deal with that loss or to even understand at all but I knew I had been prepared and I knew the Lord was helping me through. It was during that time that my testimony of the savior and the atonement grew and took on a whole new meaning for me.

As I was preparing for this talk, a scripture kept coming to mind. 1 Nephi 4:6. Right before Nephi goes in to get the plates from Laban he says "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." He literally went forward with faith. So I looked up that scripture in the general conference talks (on the best talk reference website ever) and I came across a talk by Boyd K Packer that I thought was really interesting. It was from the Oct conference in 1994 and he was addressing the youth. He wanted to teach them how to obtain personal revelation. I skimmed through it and he had it broken into topics and most of the topics were things taught in For the Strength of Youth. Things like prayer, reverence, obeying the word of wisdom, sabbath observance, and music.

He has a beautiful description of faith.

"The flow of personal revelation depends on your faith. You exercise faith by causing, or by making, your mind accept or believe as truth that which you cannot, by reason alone, prove for certainty.

The first exercising of your faith should be your acceptance of Christ and His atonement.

As you test gospel principles by believing without knowing, the Spirit will begin to teach you. Gradually your faith will be replaced with knowledge.

You will be able to discern, or to see, with spiritual eyes.

Be believing and your faith will be constantly replenished, your knowledge of the truth increased, and your testimony of the Redeemer, of the Resurrection, of the Restoration will be as “a well of living water, springing up unto everlasting life.” You may then receive guidance on practical decisions in everyday life."

He ends by reminding us of our need for the comforter.

"Now do not suppose that you will be spared from sorrow, disappointment, failure, fear. These come to all. They are essential to our testing.

When sore trials come, you will learn why the Holy Ghost is called the Comforter.

You must face life “led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which [you] should do,” just as Nephi did.

You may not yet have a certain witness that Jesus is the Christ. Exercise your faith and trust in those who do.

I have that certain witness. It came to me in my youth. During those early periods of doubt, I leaned on the testimony of a seminary teacher. Although I did not know, somehow I knew that he knew.

The Lord said:

“If ye love me, keep my commandments.

“And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

“Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."

One of my favorite hymns teaches us to go forward with faith.

"Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me."

2 Nephi 31:21 "And now, behold, my beloved brethren, this is the way; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God. And now, behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and the only and true doctrine of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, which is one God, without end. Amen"

Fail!

2009-08-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you're familiar with fail blog. Basically it's a site dedicated to funny pictures that people submit of random "fails". For example.

Well, there's another one dedicated to funny baby fails. It's called My First Fail.

I happened to have the perfect picture for them.

So I submitted it....and it showed up today! lol. Go vote for Gabe!

Just some photos from recent shoots

2009-08-03T13:33:00.000-07:00

I'm all caught up with proofing so thought I'd share a few. :)

This is my Mom. Isn't she gorgeous?

This antique pram was given to me! I love it!

For family, if you haven't seen these yet...

Chantal's wedding pictures

Kim's Senior pictures

Did I ever link to Katies? I don't remember.

Mae's 18 month pictures

Jovie's 18 month pictures

Mom's 50th birthday pictures

For the ladies

2009-08-03T13:21:00.001-07:00

If you're a guy, don't read this. Seriously. Stop. It's way TMI and all about a woman's cycle.

You have been warned.

I'm not going to go into too much depth, but I just had to put this out here in case you haven't heard about it yet.

The Diva Cup.

This little thing is amazing. There's a slight learning curve, but I'm nearing the end of my first cycle with it and I'll never go back to pads/tampons.

pros...
~save money
~zero waste
~my cramps weren't as bad as normal (don't know if that had anything to do with it, but it's the only thing I changed, so I'm going with it)
~more comfortable
~no smell
~no need to store a bunch of disposables in your years storage

cons...
~learning curve

But it's totally worth it.

There's more details here and here.

Feel free to email me if you have any questions!

Just recording a cute Clara moment

2009-07-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

Clara, what does a doggie say?

Voof, voof!

What does a cow say?

Vvvvvvvvvvoooooooooooooof!

What does a monkey say?

AH AH VOOF!

What does a kitty say?

*blank stare*

and this picture has nothing to do with that but I love it.

PS...I turned 30.

2009-07-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

I feel like my age has finally caught up to my life. I mean, who has 4 kids, a minivan and a mortgage in their 20's anymore? Yeah...me.

All my old friends ;) say people take you more seriously once you hit your 30's. I'll let you know if they're right. So far...30 and 3 weeks, doesn't feel much different than 29 did.

Dave did good this year. He's finally understanding that I hate surprises so he talks to me about his plans. :) (and really, it's kinda like an ultrasound. I'm still surprised...just a little earlier than the actual event). So he called me from the store and told me what he was trying to decide between for a gift (a flip video camera and the new iphone). Well, considering the price difference was minor and the iphone could do exactly what the flip does plus about a billion other things, I voted iphone and he agreed. And the anticipation once I knew was really fun.

He also took me out to PF Changs. I LOVE PF Changs but we don't go often so it was a real treat. I was sad to find out that they changed their desserts and I couldn't get the crazy eights dessert, but the ones I got were super yummy. We got the meal for two that came with a shot glass dessert for each of us and since it was my birthday, I got a second one for free. I went with the strawberry cheesecake and the chocolate cake. mmmm....

We ended with our fortunes which were surprisingly accurate to us. Can you guess whose is whose?

(taken with my iphone...I was playing with it all through our date)

and my empty dessert glass...

Did you know? Audiobooks are magic.

2009-07-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

It's true. I've been sick for almost a week. I don't know what I had but it was bad enough that I almost went to the doctor, but then it finally took a turn for the better. So I haven't really left the house in days but as long as I took tylonol or motrin I could function okay.

So I had a lot of time on my hands since I wasn't going anywhere and I was getting awfully bored.

Enter Audiobooks.

I've listened to them before, but usually only when I'm driving or exercising. So I didn't completely understand them yet. Their true function is to distract you so you can actually get things done!

You see, I'm the sort that can't fold laundry unless I'm watching TV at the same time. I hate to do mundane chores with only myself for company. Being entertained makes all the difference.

So, I turned on Eclipse and started doing things. Now, my room is clean, organized, and rearranged in a very zen manner. My kitchen is clean and has stayed that way. The playroom, kids rooms, bathrooms, etc are all clean. I'm caught up on laundry. I revamped our budget. I organized all my baby girl clothes to sell on Craigslist and listed them. I actually made a real dinner. I proofed 4 photoshoots which means I'm completely caught up with those.

See? Magic!

After 3 years

2009-07-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

I finally went and took pictures of the Spokane Temple. I couldn't have picked a better day. The clouds were perfect. (I hate totally blue skies. They're boring...lol...same goes for a full cloud cover).

I'm really hoping the local church bookstore owner will carry these for me.

I really havn't seen many pictures of the Spokane temple that I love. The most common one I've seen is one taken at night. It's pretty, but kinda typical.

So I decided I had to get something interesting. I spoke to the bookstore owner and she requested a straight on shot, so I did that too. Anyway...wanna see?

This one is my personal favorite.

And the others.

Baptism Day!

2009-07-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

My baby was baptized today. I'm having a hard time coming up with the words to say. Maybe there aren't any.

It was....momentous.

Apparently the water was cold but right after they got out Nathan said he felt warm already.

I just love that kid so much. He has this quiet strength that radiates from him.

But at the same time, he's delightfully goofy.

I'll just get to the pictures. I communicate better with those anyway.

Nathan and Dave.

Then it was my turn and he starts rolling his eyes. lol

Our area does stake baptisms, so there were 4 kids from 4 different wards getting baptized today. A very cool thing was that Nathan and Aria's good friend Jackie was getting baptized today too. I couldn't believe I didn't get a picture of her and Nathan together. (Kristi, did you?) We got permission to have our two wards go into the baptismal area together instead of separately like they usually do. It was awesome to be able to share the day with such close friends!

Nathan's Grandpa and Great Grandpa were his witnesses. They, along with Nathan's primary teacher and my cousin's husband and the Bishop from our old ward stood in the circle while Dave confirmed him.

The family that came.

We had a BBQ following the baptism. Check out Dave's stylin' threads...

because everybody likes to play at abandoned buildings...

2009-07-01T16:56:00.000-07:00

It was time to do an actual shoot of my kids again so I can replace my wall photos. I've been wanting to take them to this site since a client told me about it (thanks, Rachel!) and the opportunity presented itself when a friend asked if I would show her some photography things.

I said...well...why don't we take our kids to this old feed store some morning and play? And that's exactly what we did. We also invited another friend. So, 3 moms with cameras and 9 kids took off for some fun.

The results were a.mazing. I must do more pictures there!

Also, this is a very good example of why sitting and smiling is not always the best option for pictures. ;)

Because sometimes...they can't hold still so you have to tell them to hold each other down.

and sometimes...they'd rather glare at you than smile.

and sometimes...they get very, very dirty.

and sometimes...you're better off just locking them up.

but then...the heavens align and the magic shots begin.

because you catch her for the split second that her eyes drift by the camera.

in fact it happens twice!

and you find the best letters and signage...which you happen to adore...

sing it with me now....go, go, go, go for G!

and then your kids come walking up to you with a couple of random letters that were lying around and they're absolutely perfect. I wish I could have kept them!

and then you turn around and see your friends kids and it's just the cutest thing ever so you have to take a picture.

Amy and Hilary, I want to see your pictures, too!

Top ten reasons to have a front porch couch

2009-06-28T23:38:00.000-07:00

10. It'll annoy at least one of your neighbors enough for them to send you anonymous letters about pride and sugar daddies and laziness.

9. Said letter will then provide hours of entertainment.

8. It's a great place to sit and enjoy the weather on summer mornings. Summer evenings too, for that matter.

7. You can sit and chat with the JDubs in comfort and you don't even have to invite them in.

6. Your kids can eat on it and jump on it and put their shoes on it...and it's okay.

5. It makes you unique.

4. It's a conversation starter.

3. And if it doesn't prompt conversation with you, at least you know you provided fuel for gossip. :)

2. It's more comfortable than the steps. Or most porch furniture for that matter.

1. It completely and effectively removes any misconception that you live your life to "keep up with the Joneses"...plus it makes you giggle every time you see it.

Party time!

2009-06-26T21:50:00.001-07:00

I chose the activities based on visual appeal. I really wanted fun pictures from Nathan's 8th birthday.

Turns out having thirteen kids ages 1-8 all in one place and only one other adult because she took pity on me doesn't leave much time to be creative with photography.

So, I slapped my 85 lens on and just snapped pictures when I could.

The popcorn relay...

The balloon toss.

The 3 legged race. I used really flimsy ties, apparently. They started out tied together...

They snapped fairly quickly...

And then I had to run away because they were coming for me!

The pinata was blasted from it's hanger with the first hit by Nathan.

So we set it up on the tarp and it only took two more hits til it was destroyed.

The cake was a huge hit. And very easy and fun to make!

They ended with a water balloon fight with the leftover balloons.

Then I bribed them to pick up the water balloon pieces. 4 of them took the bribe. The nice thing about the popcorn was animals came and ate it during the night. Easy clean up for me!

The most nerve wracking thing was the trampoline. I don't like being liable for other people's kids. Luckily only one kid fell off and it was one of mine (Aria). She's fine and I don't have to worry about someone suing me, lol.

Just one more big activity and that's the baptism and BBQ following (which you're all invited to, btw).

Ugh

2009-06-25T16:11:00.001-07:00

After years of trying to diagnose Gabe's "allergies" the hard way with elimination diets and testing foods out, always only seeing minor improvements to the main problem (his poop) I finally got him tested.

Today I found out he has no allergies and he does not have Celiac Disease which was the one my "mommy sensor" was stuck on.

So...either it's a false negative or we're back to square one in figuring out why he's had diarrhea for his entire life.

It was implied that I was being one of "those moms" that's just trying to get attention by having an "allergic kid" but I'm really not. I've been changing diapers for 8 years now and I know there's something going on inside that kid that isn't normal.

Oh well. Next plan of action. Do nothing. Let him eat whatever he wants and see what happens.

Other good news...he's potty trained! (did I already blog about that? I can't remember).

This morning

2009-06-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

I woke up early and cried because my boy is really 8. That's it. He's accountable now...well, in 3 weeks when he gets baptized. It's like my 8 years are up and now he has to learn things the hard way and I'm just along for the ride. It's like I switched from the enforcer to the adviser over night. "Because I said so" probably isn't going to fly for much longer. lol.

Or maybe I'm just a mushy mess because it's a milestone birthday and I was up entirely too early with Clara. (4:30)

8 years ago right now

2009-06-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

I was in the hospital. The dr had put cervidil in me to soften my cervix. They didn't think it would put me into labor. They kept telling me nothing was happening. An hour later they broke my water and 2 hours later I gave birth to my first child. 1:30 AM on June 22nd.

I wrote this a few months ago. A rather different take on a birth story. This is how I remember it though. It was surreal and disjointed. But amazing. I was induced because of mild toxemia (high blood pressure) but was able to still have him drug free.

"I think someone should check me."

This had to be it. The books say it feels like you're going to poop. The nurses aren't listening though. Why won't they listen to me? Just because I'm a first time Mom? Don't they realize I'm the one having this baby? I think I know what's going on! Oh well, maybe they're right. Maybe I should just go to the bathroom again.

Ohhhh, this hurts! What was I thinking wanting to go natural? They keep telling me I'll be here all night. Nothing is supposed to be happening yet. The Cervidil was just supposed to soften my cervix. Labor isn't supposed to start til tomorrow. If this isn't labor, I don't want to know what is. I might as well get back in bed. They don't want me up too much because it makes my blood pressure spike. Whoa...that's a lot of blood. I wonder if that's normal?

"There's a lot of blood in there. And I still feel a lot of pressure, I need you to check me."

I saw that. I saw her roll her eyes. And now she's telling me (again) that I'm a first time Mom and it's too soon. But at least she's listening to me this time and checking me. An eight! Holy cow! No wonder it hurts! I'm in labor! Ohmygosh, I'm about to have a baby! She's running all over and setting things up. She yelled at someone to page the Doctor. I'm glad he stayed past his shift. I like him. He lets me have an opinion.

Oh boy, here we go. I can't believe it's going so fast! Wait. No. I don't like this. Make it stop! OwieOwieOwieOwie. Ohhhh, nonononono.

"I have to push!"
"Don't push yet!"

Don't push? Yeah right. Why is Dave breathing in my face? That's annoying. Great, now my mom's doing it too. They're breathing fast, what's their problem? Do they think I want them blowing on me like that? Oh. I get it. They want me to do it. Right. Breathing. I think I stopped there for a second. In, out, in, out...no, I don't like the fast breathing. Why does everyone want me to breathe like that? It's not helping. Oh well, at least I'm breathing I guess.

"Ok, Misty, push with the next contraction."
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
"Don't yell! You're wasting your energy. Just push."

Right, just push. I'd like to see him push a baby out. Ugh, here we go again. *gasp*

"Good job! You're doing great!"
"I can see the head"

I can't believe April is still in here. She's being awfully quiet. I'm probably scarring her for life. Oh geez.

"PUSH!"

Do they think I can't feel this? Natural child birth people. I think I know when I need to push. Oh boy. This hurts. Holy crap. *gasp*

"Good job, Misty! The heads out, one more big push!"

Well, that was weird. Who knew the body coming out was so slimy and slippery? It felt like a fish. Interesting. Where's my baby? Oh, he's over there. What's he doing over there? He's not crying but nobody seems to be too bothered by that. Must be okay.

Still not crying. Wait, apgar...I know that word. Why's it so low? Why isn't he crying???

Oh, there we go. He's crying now. And breathing. They're doing the apgar test again. It's higher now. Normal. I wonder if they'll ever bring him over? Why do I have to push again? Oh, right. The placenta. That sucks. Ok, I'll push. Huh. That was weird, too. Oddly soothing. The Doctor is stitching me up. He seems chatty. I don't know what he's talking about. I'm cold. No, not really cold, but I'm shaking. I don't like this. Someone is saying it's normal. Someone else is bringing a warm blanket. Oh, that's nice. I'm tired.

8lbs 13ozs, huh? That's kinda big. Someone's finally bringing him to me. He's so cute. He's my baby. Holy crap. I'm the Mom. When he cries people are going to give him to me to fix it! Oh boy. He's so cute, though. My Nathan. I can do this.

I came across this while I was looking for pictures. I had forgotten about it. I think he was 4 when he did this.

It's an invisible bunny hug.

Will and Chantal

2009-06-21T11:38:00.000-07:00

I finally finished editing the pictures from my cousins wedding. It was a really fun time! Will and Chantal were totally laid back and up for anything. They were also total naturals. They didn't seem to feel awkward in front of the camera at all and I had to do very little directing.

A few favorites...

And the whole gallery.

The dreaded chores..

2009-06-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

With summertime comes messes. So many messes. It's amazing what having all the kids home most of the day can do to your house. So there was some brainstorming going on over at the MOFia and one lovely lady shared this list that she has compiled over the years... I thought it was brilliant, so I'm sharing.

I did the post-its one today and it worked wonders. I combined it with having them put a marble in a jar for each post-it that they did. When the jar is full we'll do a fun activity.

The Lucky Jar - The kids just started new charts today. If the kids accomplish all of their jobs for a given day they get to pick something out of the Lucky Jar. But only on Fridays. If they do every job every day they get to pick out of the lucky jar five times. The lucky jar has slips of paper that give them special snacks, special time with mom or dad, stay up late minutes or 'skip a job' passes for the coming week. The kids can hardly wait.

Bomb in the Kitchen – Set the oven timer for x amount of minutes. Work hard to get the kitchen cleaned and out of the room before the bomb goes off... otherwise you need to make a dramatic death scene on the kitchen floor. Make sure to add more time than you think. The best part of this game is standing at the edge of the clean kitchen and thinking of things you need to ‘run in’ and do without dying.

Train Cleaning – I am the engine. The kids line up behind me. I point to something on the floor and the one right behind me gets out of line to put it away and then hops to the back of the line again. I try to go so fast that I don’t have any ‘cars’ behind me. We choo-choo through the house looking for whatever needs to be put away.

Set the timer’ Cleaning – This is when all of us clean together and it usually involves a few rooms... like our family room, entry and kitchen which are all connected. We set the timer for 20 minutes and work until the buzzer goes off. If I see the kids distracted or not working I add a minute. The kids love knowing exactly when they will be done with the job.

Sticky note choices – when the kids come home from school, (or on Saturday mornings) the kitchen island is covered in sticky notes. One job is on each... some easy, some hard. Starting with the youngest they pick their jobs, one at a time. My kids love this one because they are different every day depending on what I need done. I always try to add fun and silly ones, like “tell your mom she’s great” because of course I always need words of affirmation, or “play outside with the baby” which actually is a big help to me but they think they are lucking out.

Countdown Cleaning – “Kids, I need everyone to pick up 10 things in the ____ room.” Once done they come give me a high five. Then I tell them to pick up 9 things. Then 8... then 7... etc. They start giggling when they are down to the end and they have to keep running to give me five between every one.

Movie Pause Cleaning – Put on a movie for the kids... who doesn’t love this already? Explain that whenever you push pause on the movie they have to quickly put 10 things away and then run and jump back on the couch so the movie can start again.

Erase a Job – Have a list of jobs ready for each kid. Tell them that if they clean the first thing good enough that it passes ‘mom inspection’ then they can cross off the last job on the list... and so on.

5 things away before Snack – My daughter is notorious for asking for snacks 10 times a day. Each time she asks I say “Put away five things and then you can have a snack.”

Happy cleaning!

What up.

2009-06-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

Hey Readers,
I have blogger block. Some combination of potty training, proofing, baby with a yeast rash, school getting out in 2 days, rude neighbors that send anonymous letters, hiding away with good books, a zero budget ala Dave Ramsey, and I don't even know what else. I'm busy, and tired, and busy. And when I'm not being busy, I'm reading to relax, which usually puts me to sleep. Oh, and facebook. It sucks me away from my blog.

I'll get back to blogging soon. There have been some good stories in the last little while.

Love, Me.

PS...Gotta add this. Clara learned to walk. And it's the sweetest thing.

(by the way, Clara just turned my computer off...it's her new favorite game. I don't enjoy it as much. Luckily blogger does the autosave thing.)

This weeks family date

2009-06-06T16:47:00.000-07:00

We're trying to find fun and free things to do every saturday this summer. This morning I went online to see what I could find and there was a Sidewalk Chalk Walk in a neighborhood about 15 minutes from our house. They provided the sidewalk, the chalk and a t-shirt and we filled out a survey and drew on the sidewalk!

The kids are usually game for almost anything so they loved it. Even Dave and I had a lot of fun. Dave is already making big plans for next year and I love any excuse to take pictures.

I chose our place along the sidewalk. I wanted them under that car sticking out of the building.

Clara was so sad that we wouldn't give her the chalk. She has the best lower lip.

Nathan wrote "Don't War" on his. And "hark" which I loved because after he wrote it he goes "What does 'hark' mean anyway?"

This was before Aria was done. Later she wrote "I *heart* NY" along the bottom. I'm not sure why. Or where she even saw that.

Gabe intently coloring.

All done!

Then we walked around to see what other people were doing. There were some impressive ones and Dave and Nathan were both making plans for ways to make theirs better next year.

So then we just started wandering around the neighborhood. There was a lot of cool old buildings (which I LOVE) and an old railroad caboose turned into a museum (not much of one, but we got to go on and it was free), and lots of cool murals and a ferris wheel skeleton in someone's back yard. That was weird but very cool. So I took pictures of the kids while we walked around. I might have our family pics down there this year.

The paintballs on this were awesome.

My girl is so pretty.

Dave is not a fan of being in pictures. I was glad he humored me for this.